Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty... - Comments

Witchcraft stories are always interesting, I don't see a whole lot of them around. So far I've only read chapter 1, but it seems quite interesting so far.

I like how you introduced the character and her backstory at the beginning of the chapter. It's almost like a short form way of showing how Lily got to be the way she is which I appreciated. And you continued to develop her throughout the chapter which was nice to see.

I'd love to see a bit more description in the story, rather than just telling us about Lily's actions. I think describing the setting, especially because some of the chapter is set in a New Age store, would be beneficial. In my limited experience, those stores tend to have really interesting looks to them so I think it would be cool if you described what that particular one looks like.

Also, having words that are said more loudly than others in all caps is a bit distracting. Maybe it's just me, but I prefer when things are bolded or italicized for dramatic affect as opposed to being written in caps.

Oh man, I can see this whole deal thing going really horribly. Especially because she signed and didn't read anything. Rookie mistake, Lily Really though, I'm interested to see where this story goes and what kind of favour she ends up doing for this person.

Good start so far!

Summary:
One thing that automatically made me weary to read this was the grey on black. It's difficult to read. I understand you're going for a darker theme, but you can still have darkness around the story, but have black text on white.
I do like how you're using 'real' magic. I think that's an awesome twist and definitely something I haven't seen in many stories anywhere.
The summary really pulled me in and made me excited to read the story!

Chapter One:
I love your opening lines. The fact that the people that picked on her made her who she was. That's so powerful and really makes a beautiful start to the story.
I like how you put down her history a little too. You really included what happened to her through the years and the hard times she faced with not only the people in school, but her sibling as well.
I love the development. She started out as small and pretty defenseless and then said 'screw you, guys' and did her own thing. That's amazing in my eyes.
Uh-oh. Part of me is hoping Lily doesn't take him up on the offer. I don't see anything good coming from this.
I'd like to see more description. You tell rather than show and I just want to see what you see. I found it really hard to picture the last half of the chapter in my head.

All-in-all, I think this is a really great start! I didn't see any grammar/spelling mistakes which was really nice. Great job!

When I read the title, I really had no idea what to expect from the story. And by reading the summary, knowing that it's about witchcraft, I still don't want what I'm going to find out when I start reading the story. It's about witchcraft, yes, but I know there is more to it, and I can't wait to find out what it is.

I really like the brief introductions about herself and the way that she grew up, mentioning the bullying that she went through and how it didn't get her down, especially as she grew older. It also gave information about how she got into the interest of witchcraft and how obsessed she became with the craft. It's always to know a nice little background about something so important in her life.

As for the new store, it surprised me. Not that there was a new store, the fact that the man knew her name before she introduced herself. Bizarre. Oohh, from the first impression, I can only think that he's the Devil and that something bad is going to happen to her, with his request or with the gift that was given to her. But I did find it interesting that it's the way that she got her powers, from someone else giving them to her. A lot of stories involving witchcraft, the main characters are born with the power; the twist gives the story a new feeling to it, if that makes any sense.

You do not[ fully understand what you are doing.
There is an unnecessary character after not.

I think that the italics code got a little messed up at the end of the third chapter because the whole end of the chapter is italicized.

You did mention this in the summary, but I adore how you're researching and using real spells that are out there in the world. It's so informative and it's really helping me learn a little about real witchcraft; all the spells and the actions and ingredients involving the spells are real and that's what I really love.

There are so many magical people in the little town! The palm reader is a character that I already love. She is concerned, but seems a little uninterested since she already knows a lot about Lily.

Okay, okay, enough. If you couldn't already tell, I am seriously in love with this story. It's magical, interesting, fantastic, and so much more! I love it!

@ MyVenusDoom
Yesss, they are definitely a bit condescending, but I think it's for the best as she is new and arrogant.

I ry need to work on this one again, been so wrapped up in the other story the last few days :) I'll see what I can do for this one!

Thank you :)

The plot thickens! I'm eager to read more and find out what the twins have in store for her. They claim to be neutral and claim a desire to educate; calling her child and saying she doesn't know what she's getting into is demeaning to say the least... makes me wonder if they're interested in controlling her along with him. Hmm...

@ MyVenusDoom
lol Thank you! Yeah, I have tricks up my sleeve for why she chose him ;) But yeah....I think I was hungry for orange chicken when I wrote it....cause that was kind of just a random thing....lol

Excellent chapter! I love that you researched the spells and described her wonderment at discovering her power. lol it was cute how she chose her brother as her control test subject. Yay for orange chicken!

deathXbeforeXdisco:

This is actually pretty awesome :) I've read a couple of magic stories but it's always been about someone who just has the gift, and it's only ever a good vs. bad kinda thing where they're pristine white. I like the originality of this and how shes dabbling a bit in the dark arts a bit. I can't wait to see what else you have planned :)

Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it. The story is still going to stay on the "fun" side of things, but realistically, no one is "pristine white" (completely good) in life, so I could never write it that way....not for this character. :)

Thanks again for the comment!

This is actually pretty awesome :) I've read a couple of magic stories but it's always been about someone who just has the gift, and it's only ever a good vs. bad kinda thing where they're pristine white. I like the originality of this and how shes dabbling a bit in the dark arts a bit. I can't wait to see what else you have planned :)

This is actually pretty awesome :) I've read a couple of magic stories but it's always been about someone who just has the gift, and it's only ever a good vs. bad kinda thing where they're pristine white. I like the originality of this and how shes dabbling a bit in the dark arts a bit. I can't wait to see what else you have planned :)

MyVenusDoom:

This is an excellent opening! You've done a great job introducing the character through her past and what she's done to overcome her struggles. I'm eager to read more and find out what price she has to pay for this gift.

Thaaaaaaank youuuu! I wrote down a brief story plot before leaving work yesterday. I am hoping to have another piece or two up before Tuesday :)

This is an excellent opening! You've done a great job introducing the character through her past and what she's done to overcome her struggles. I'm eager to read more and find out what price she has to pay for this gift.