Enchantment. - Comments

This was a lot more creepy than I expected! I was thinking it would be a fantasy-type story from the title, but it was an interesting surprise! I really like the layout, which was also deceiving. It's really lovely.

I like that you started out with the mother saying there was nothing in the room, and then having the demon guy come and hang out. That freaked me right out, because I hate the dark and I'd die if that happened to me. It really set the tone for the story nicely, which I really liked!

The rest of the story was a bit confusing, because it seemed a bit all over the place, and I don't think you've updated enough to kind of tie everything together yet. But I'm thinking the rest of the story is going to be great!

There were some word/spelling mistakes, but that happens. It wasn't enough to distract me from reading the story, so that was good!

But yes, I hope you continue this story, it has tons of potential! Good job

Your writing is so fantastic; I really love the way you blend simplicity and descriptive sentences to make the greater picture. Also, I feel like you’re really great at expressing the emotions of your characters. I could basically feel the fear and panic that she felt, and the urge to fight of sleepiness. It was so real, and I could totally relate to it. And then OH that ending, so good and freaky. I love good horror stories, and you did this so well. Can I also just say this is probably one of the best horrors I’ve read? I’m a massive horror fan, and it reminds me of the old films that used to scare me when I was little. I am desperate to read more! Update!

Layout / Summary
Layout:
..............The layout is really lovely. I love how the color scheme matches the color tone of the picture!
Summary:
..................Hocus Pocus anyone? On a serious note, it really makes me want to read the story since it gives off an eerie vibe.

Chapter One: Lying.

Impression:
..................Starting off with the mother's dialogue is a nice hook. After her mother said there was nothing there, I just knew something ..................was there and I had to finish the first chapter. The descriptions are really good and the dialogue flows naturally.

..................I love the opening line of the demon and how you end the chapter on a high note of suspense with his line.

..................The only small critique that I have with this chapter is the fact that the mother closed the door fully. Since the child is ..................scared, I feel like she would have asked for the door to be opened a crack or the mother would have left it that way.

Grammar:
....................................After once, instead of a semicolon it should be a period.

Chapter Two: Hospital.

Impression:
..................This is a solid chapter. I like how this scene follows the first and you lead with another young girl experiencing what she did. ..................You introduce a little bit more information about the demon without giving away the mystery that surrounds this story. I ..................have no doubt you'll keep the reader in the dark for a few more chapters before gradually revealing the thick of the plot.

..................Whatever happened in her room that night really messed her up. I like how she subtly avoided the young girl's question ..................about demons.

Grammar:
..................let should be led & there should be a period instead of a comma after now. ..................the second being is not needed. ..................I would eliminate her bed and just go with her hospital bed since it flows better. ..................I believe you missed a with before the so it reads: "She had come in a few nights ago, with the chills" ..................Since this is a continuation of the first part of the sentence, As should be lower case. Also, just a minor spelling mistake: ..................gouls should be ghouls. ..................I'm not sure what you mean there.

Overall:
..................This is off to a really really great start! I'm so intrigued by the plot and this mysterious demon that visits children during the ..................night. I love the descriptions, as simply written they are (ex. not wordy but straight to the point) , they pack a big punch by ..................creating dread and eeriness within the reader.

..................Definitely recommending and subscribing!