Everything. - Comments

  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    First off, the way the text in the summary alternates was really confusing and slightly off-putting at first.

    Chapter One:
    I really like how you set the story up. Personally I've never seen a story written where the main character is working in a laundromat, so I think that's a cool twist to put on things.

    I did notice a change of tense in the beginning. It was hard to ignore so I had to stop and reread the beginning of the paragraph where the tense first changes. I will admit that it is kind of distracting.

    He becomes instantly grateful. "Yes, if you could. Harry and Janet aren't going to be around later, some collage thing they have going on." In the sentence, I think you meant college instead of collage.

    I loved how excitable Amanda was and I definitely want to find out if she got into the hospital to see Steven.

    Ah, no! When the washer started to overflow, I felt so bad for Rebecca. I can't even imagine how embarrassed she must have been!

    I really enjoyed the first chapter. Aside from the switching around of tenses and a few grammar and spelling errors here and there, the story flowed super well.
    January 5th, 2016 at 11:01pm
  • HeatherMayte!

    HeatherMayte! (100)

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    I think you had an overall good idea about what was going to happen, and I like the interactions between Norman and and Rebecca. But there a few things that I couldn't get past to really enjoy the story, I think.

    First of all, the summary on the layout was set out a little strangely and it was hard for me to read it. I'm the kind of person who needs to read a good summary to initially be engrossed in the story, so I suppose that I'm a little bit picky like that, but maybe it might be better to just centre all of the words and even design your layout a little more.

    The second thing I wanted to mention was I noticed that sometimes you changed between tenses, so sometimes you would use use present but then sometimes you used past.

    Looking past those things, it was overall an enjoyable story and I liked the sweet interactions between them. You also made Rebecca a cool character!
    January 5th, 2016 at 10:20pm
  • Oldjane

    Oldjane (150)

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    It's been so long since I've read a Norman Reedus fic! I used to read them all the time but I was starting to have trouble finding a good one on here, and I'd read quite a lot of them. I was pleasantly surprised with this story. While it was obviously rather plain to first look at due to the lack of layout, I thought the writing, the pace, and the plot of the story was overall pretty good. Rebecca has a great tone and she's such a fantastic narrator for the story. The snippy little comments she makes me laugh here and there, so she's pretty amusing. I've only had time to read the first chapter but I'll have a go at reading more and I hope you keep going with it!
    January 4th, 2016 at 10:38pm
  • Audrey T

    Audrey T (6730)

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    I'm only a few chapters in, but so far I like it. I think my favorite part is the narrator's voice. I like that the tone of the story (so far) is pretty easy-going and casual, and her story-telling plays into that really well. In the first chapter, the silliness about her is cute and funny - I especially liked her initial reaction on seeing Norman (?), he does have a slightly insane-homeless look about him sometimes - but as the story goes one, it kind of gets to be a little too much. In the third chapter, for example, it got kind of tiring to read (what I thought were) overly-immature/silly responses to the people around her - it became less quirky and endearing, and a little more annoying.

    The only other thing I noticed was the tense changes in the middle of the first chapter - it goes from present tense to past tense, and you spelled 'college' like 'collage' a few times.

    Other than that, I think it's a good story with a great meet-cute beginning.
    December 13th, 2015 at 11:45pm
  • LeeV

    LeeV (100)

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    Oh I love this. Please update again soon
    September 1st, 2015 at 03:50pm
  • belleanizymenkov

    belleanizymenkov (100)

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    OMG!!! POST MORE, PLEASE!
    August 3rd, 2015 at 03:45am
  • belleanizymenkov

    belleanizymenkov (100)

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    OMG!!! POST MORE, PLEASE!
    August 3rd, 2015 at 03:45am
  • NeonNorman

    NeonNorman (100)

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    Such a great story already! Can't wait until your next update. :)
    July 8th, 2015 at 12:16am
  • NeonNorman

    NeonNorman (100)

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    Such a great story already! Can't wait until your next update. :)
    July 8th, 2015 at 12:16am