Peripeteia - Comments

So I'm here to give you your comment for the contest!

To start off I've got to say that at first I wasn't really caring for the history lesson, especially the way you started it by saying that's what we were about to read. It just seems a bit overused to me. I almost think that the history lesson isn't needed, like it's just an interesting little side story. But on a brighter note, I really enjoyed reading this. I thought that you had very good descriptions. It was a bit lacking in dialogue, but honestly, that didn't bother me at all.

I really like how you don't state who the protagonist or antagonist is. That seriously is my favorite part of this entire story.

Overall you did a good job. As soon as I read the rest of the entries I'll announce the winners, good luck!

The first thing I noticed was that the history lesson was a little bit hard to follow. I think when you kept referring to them as the weakened god, the bitter god, etc., it made it harder for me to tell what was going on. Once it got past the history, I had an easier time with it. I think Valcar was the best developed character, but I would like to know more about his motivation and see more of how that takes effect with the Nightlings. I think the best part about him was that we were able to see how the history and traditions of the world effected him and the way he thought. We can easily see that he has a very dark side from the way he was so carelessly burning the bodies and not caring about giving them respect in the afterlife. He did not seem remorseful at all for the life that was lost.

I think Igne was my favorite of the characters, but we didn't get to see as much about him. He tells us a little bit about his life and his mate, but we don't really get to see as much with what is going on his head as we did with Valcar. I gravitate toward Igne much more, but I would like to know more about what the traditions of his people really mean to him and not just what the speech was.

Overall, I think the world that you created is very interesting and you did a great job with your characters. There are a couple of things that you could flesh out more, like I stated above, but I think it is a great story overall!

The first thing I noticed was that the history lesson was a little bit hard to follow. I think when you kept referring to them as the weakened god, the bitter god, etc., it made it harder for me to tell what was going on. Once it got past the history, I had an easier time with it. I think Valcar was the best developed character, but I would like to know more about his motivation and see more of how that takes effect with the Nightlings. I think the best part about him was that we were able to see how the history and traditions of the world effected him and the way he thought. We can easily see that he has a very dark side from the way he was so carelessly burning the bodies and not caring about giving them respect in the afterlife. He did not seem remorseful at all for the life that was lost.

I think Igne was my favorite of the characters, but we didn't get to see as much about him. He tells us a little bit about his life and his mate, but we don't really get to see as much with what is going on his head as we did with Valcar. I gravitate toward Igne much more, but I would like to know more about what the traditions of his people really mean to him and not just what the speech was.

Overall, I think the world that you created is very interesting and you did a great job with your characters. There are a couple of things that you could flesh out more, like I stated above, but I think it is a great story overall!

@ JamieAllOver
Hey, thanks for checking it out!
The Nightlings aren't vampires, but they certainly aren't humans. Neither are the Daywalkers, in case you were curious.
Decimatio is an old Roman punishment that involved stoning to death one out of every ten soldiers, regardless of rank and individual innocence. It was typically used to ensure everyone had a vested interest in making sure that everyone followed the rules.
Ah, thanks for the reminder! I completely forgot. A little competitive spirit never hurt anyone!

Hey, Jamie from Group D!
Okay, so, to start, I'll say that I really love the layout. Everyone makes such cool ass layouts, why the hell can't I?
Now that that's out of the way, onto the story.
It was a little difficult for me to get into. I'm not sure if it's because I've already sort of outrun my vampire phase (it wasn't explicitly said, but I'm assuming that's what the Nightwalkers are, especially because of the layout) or if it's because it seemed like there was a lot of information missing. Like, I don't know, I mean, what exactly is decimatio? I'm not sure if it was written somewhere and my brain just kind of skipped over it or not. I got the gist of it, but I'd like to know more about it. Why it was started, why it ended, what it was used for in the past, etc. Even if it was just my vampire phase being over, this isn't a bad story. I think another part (or even making this an entire chaptered story) would bring a lot more to the table to make it seem a little clearer.
(Also, just a sidenote, make sure you record all your word counts and challenges completed for the week by tomorrow night! Week one ends at midnight! Like I said in my introduction post, I'm kind of a little competitive...)