August 6th, 2015 at 09:20pm
I really liked what "good deed" you chose to focus on. It was kind of small a small deed, but it was really big to the characters. With it being so small, I feel like you were really able to focus on building the characters up really well, I felt like I knew Summer once your story was over. I also enjoyed the supernatural/magic type of feel we got from Kitty. It made me really interested in the story that this was a snippet from because she seems like she’d be a fascinating character. I also liked the simple descriptions you used, normally I’ll all for huge amounts of description but I think choosing not to do that really helped keep the lightness the story has, if that makes sense.
Overall, well done! I enjoyed this piece.
I think this story is so cute. I've never worked in a restaurant myself, but I do feel as if I'd be Summer in that situation. She's such a three-dimensional character by the end of it that you feel as if you've basically known her forever and it makes it a lot easier to empathise when you think she's going to spill everything off of the tray. I actually was going "no, no, no, no, that's not fair" in my head when I was reading that part, haha!
Again, the characterisation when it came to Kitty was so spot-on. Like losing control. said below, you get this really magical vibe off of her and it instantly makes her character so intriguing. You almost want to read on in case she decides to magic a bouquet from behind her back or something like that! She's that hook that keeps readers interested halfway through and kind of keeps that interest until the very end. The good deed that she does is really heartwarming and lovely -- I'm glad that it happens to Summer, too, because it almost seems as if she deserves that little break and piece of sunshine in her life.
I think this is absolutely adorable, I really do. I enjoyed reading it and I connected with the characters almost instantly. Lovely job!