The summary is really intriguing and there were so many ideas running through my head about what this could be about. That one line posed as such a great hook.
I like that you've done this as if the narrator's speaking or, at least, talking to Jade. Using 'you' makes this piece more personal and that's definitely a good thing considering the shortness of this and the topic you're presenting.
I was taken in by those -loved by me- eyes and I didn’t see the lies behind them. - the interruption throws this sentence completely off. I would suggest just removing it or re-writing the sentence in its entirety if you wish to keep it. I had to read it several time for it to actually make sense. Actually, now that I've read the first paragraph again, I reckon that you do remove it and allow the description of the eyes as beautiful show her love for them. You don't need to specify as plainly as you have that she loves them.
It's intriguing that you decided to go the split personality route. I thought this would be more of a boy who toyed with their love as a game but instead you've given it more depth than that which I really like. The nice little twist wrapped this up well.
I like that you've done this as if the narrator's speaking or, at least, talking to Jade. Using 'you' makes this piece more personal and that's definitely a good thing considering the shortness of this and the topic you're presenting.
I was taken in by those -loved by me- eyes and I didn’t see the lies behind them. - the interruption throws this sentence completely off. I would suggest just removing it or re-writing the sentence in its entirety if you wish to keep it. I had to read it several time for it to actually make sense. Actually, now that I've read the first paragraph again, I reckon that you do remove it and allow the description of the eyes as beautiful show her love for them. You don't need to specify as plainly as you have that she loves them.
It's intriguing that you decided to go the split personality route. I thought this would be more of a boy who toyed with their love as a game but instead you've given it more depth than that which I really like. The nice little twist wrapped this up well.