Riptide. - Comments

Amazing update

Just binge read this and I absolutely love it!!! I wanna know about the "heartache" after she left the first time and whatvever her little sister's going through that requires Rosé and Cherry Garcia.

Loved it

This is a great story so far. I can't wait to read more. I hope you update soon!

This is such an awesome story! I love the plot line especially now that there's the love interest twist. I think you're a very creative writer. I can't wait for you to add more. Also I love that you put the clothing choices or pictures at the bottom of each chapter to help visualize. Keep up that great work, I'm subscribed and can't wait for more.

Also ps. love the background!

I really love how all this is starting to come together. I was wondering what exactly you were going to do with Ali once she finally got to California - where she would live and how she would make some money to survive out there. I loved how Zara helped her out and gave her a job and place to stay. And, I'm really loving how you've integrated Makayla in your story too, and her personality and relationship with Ali.

One thing I'm curious about is whether the boy at the gas station is going to make an appearance later in the story. For some reason I feel like you were foreshadowing that he'd come back into the story.... I'm curious!!

Anyway, awesome updates!! I can't wait until the next one :)

I'm such a sucker for summer stories it's ridiculous. First, the layout is super cute and I think it fits the story really well.

I like how you started out the story, with Ali kind of just up and leaving and finding a new life. It's a bit of a twist on typical summer stories and I like that. I also like how you have all of your characters planned out and are finding different ways to introduce them. I really liked how you brought Makayla into the plot, it helped introduce her personality at the same time which was really cool.

One thing I'd watch for is your dialogue to description ratio. I feel like we know about the characters so far from how they talk, but I think if you added a bit more description about their actions and the setting it would really help me visualize what's going on. Kind of like a showing instead of telling thing, you know? The dialogue seems a little stiff at times too, which breaks up the flow of the story a bit. I think it's because it seems like Ali has really short answers for things, so it seems a little rigid, if that makes sense.

I did a bit of nitpicking, I hope you don't mind. It's mostly just typos:
Chapter 1:
Sure, I’m proud of Aria but it’s hard to pretending you’re happy for someone when your own life seems to be crashing down upon you.
This should be to pretend or just pretending.

“Yea perfect.” I mutter as I grab a flute of champagne from the waiter walking pass us.
Pass should be past

“If you need any help, remember I’ll always be there for you,” I remind her. “I thought how hard medical school can be.”
Thought how hard should be know how hard

I grab my make-up bag and take out the make-up I don’t usually wearing; making room for my facial creams and other essentials.
Wearing shuld be wear

Chapter 2:
I just pulled into a motel in the middle of nowheresville Kansas. I don’t know how long I’ve been driving but all I know is that my dead tired.
My dead tired should be I’m dead tired

I have a good chunk of change in my bank account, especially since I didn’t have to use any of that many for medical school.
Many should be money

The walls are stark white as well as the furniture, which I’m thankful for that way I don’t have to buy any.
This sentence was a bit awkward. Maybe instead of that way I don’t have to buy any you could say something like because it means I don’t have to buy any.

Chapter 3:
“It’s different shades of purples all dark. It works for my apartment.”
The way the first part is worded sounds a bit funny. Just saying It’s different shades of dark purple would work well!

“You’re very welcome,” she smiles. “Hey what are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Nothing, why?”

“A couple of the local surfers are having a bonfire at the beach tomorrow night. Want to come with me?”
Having tomorrow night twice so close together was kind of awkward to read. I think you could take out the second one and the sentence would have the same effect.

I lay back onto the bed and stare at the blank ceiling and think; this is it. I’ve finally did something my sister can be proud of.
I’ve finally did should be I’ve finally done

But yes, hopefully you don't mind my nitpicking, I know that I always find it easier to find typos and what not when other people point them out to me. I'm excited to see where you go with the story! I hope Ali and Aria reunite at some point, I really like the sibling relationship they have going on.

Good job! I hope you update soon