Two Queens of Alchemy - Comments

@ cleopatra.
I will probably work on the background once I have a working laptop again but I'm glad you enjoyed this even being outside of the fandom. That's impressive to say the very least. We love detail to say in the very least so summaries are always quite a bit of fun for us.

im not a fan of all the fancy colors because i have sensitive eyes, but i love what you're doing with this story on a first impression basis. two queens of alchemy— that is such a bad ass title. it's really interesting & i love that. mind you, i have full metal on my to-watch list, but i haven't gotten around to it yet so im excited to see what you've conjured. let me just go ahead & praise you for the summary because i for one think it's so hard to write them. i love getting a little insight as im learning the importance of one.

i love the personalities within these characters. they sound so real, relate-able (in a personal way) & are just freaking hilarious. though it's hard to read as im not apart of the fandom (NOT YET I MEAN), you still get a gist for the world that's being introduced. you write it so intricately & detailed that the reader has no choice but to grasp the situation @ hand. damn it...now i want to binge watch as much as i can.

good job on this!

@ aubs
This comment was fantastic and I really like the way you put it together. Im really excited for you to finish what we have so far. I hope you enjoy the rest!

I just want to say that I haven't even come close to finishing Full Metal Alchemist, so if I may get confused when reading this. I hope not though.

summary: I adore how much information you two have put in the summary. It gives some background about the two main characters that, I'm sure, doesn't really need to be mentioned in the story itself. From the summary, I can tell that you two will be just starting to tell the two main characters story, which means that their background won't really be mentioned. (I hope that makes sense, at this point I'm just rambling). Something else I like is how both characters are related to characters from Full Metal Alchemist; it's cool because they aren't their siblings, but cousins. You keep their family true to the manga and anime (with siblings), and just add them as cousins because cousins were never mentioned. I just think it's a cool idea.

Catherine Archer
I already love the sisterly, teasing relationship that the two girls have. It's cute and I can just tell that they've been amazing friends for a very long time, considering how comfortable they are talking to each other.

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Maybe...invest in each other.

I legit laughed when I read this. I can just imagine someone saying this with a smirk on their face.

Of course it had to be Mustang. OF COURSE. OUT OF EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I do like when the two talk to each other because he seems so cool and collected while she is just a small ball of rage when speaking to him. I think it's funny how different their personalities are.

I'm a little confused though. In the summary, it was said that they got their bodies back. Doesn't that mean that Al is out of the armor or am I wrong? Because he's still in his armor body... I'm just a little confused.

Dietlinde Rockbell

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Something Armstrong he had said, tore off his shirt for no reason and just started flexing.

Here it is, the perfect description about Armstrong ever. Perfect. You forgot to add that there were sparkles surrounding him as he flexed!

OMG. He doesn't have his armor anymore! HE'S A REAL BOY... I mean man. And a cute man, that's for sure! Gahh, I am just so happy that he has his body back... FINALLY.

I do love the added background about Lin and Mustang. Very emotional, and now I see why she is so harsh to him. I just hope she can forgive him... if he can make it up to her!

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I'm sad that I can't comment on the rest of the chapters right now, but it's getting late and I wanted the two of you to know how much I love this story already. And I will be back to read and comment on the other chapters and to see what happens in future chapters.

@ LiacideXIII
If you need any help just let me know and I'll be happy to lend you a hand.

@ Qhuinn
Thank you so much, that really means a lot to us! And yeah, I've been meaning to go about and do that, but I fear we are having some writers block on the story. We will try to work on it sometime in the near future. And I can totally agree and respect the love for Mustang!!

@ The Alpha's Angel
Gonna work on that soon, sorry I didn't respond sooner. Thank you for the advice!! I'm glad you liked it!

I found this via Leave a Comment, Take a Comment and I'm soooo glad it was on there. I had been looking for an FMA fanfiction and I'm in love with it. You have great description and it blends well with the dialog; which is true to the characters they represent. I can 'hear' the characters in my head as I read. You're grammar and sentence structure are amazing too. My only complaint would be that the layout is a bit too much on the eyes, maybe turn the background more solid so the words pop out more instead of blending in. Its only a suggestion though.
I'm so, so, sooooo happy you've written Mustang into the story (I'm in love with him and he's my soulmate I swear) and I'm jealous of Rin, not even gonna lie. ;)

This story is good and everything flows nicely from one chapter to the other. You add in plenty of detail, which is good and your dialogue is strong in my opinion.

I would suggest changing your layout as it is a little bright and may not agree with some peoples eyes... my suggestion would be making the background picture a banner and then working the rest around it Obviously you don't have to

It may help pull in readers for you guys :)