Tyson's Silly Grin - Comments

I adore your use of description so much. It makes me happy when you use words like stolid and icky in the same chapter, especially when you're writing in first person. I'm super jealous of the way you can balance the character's voice and development of the plot so well.

Your take on the song was fantastic, and I think you were able to take the idea behind the song and translate it to a unique plot really well without making it sound super...obvious. If that makes sense. You used the idea behind the song more than the directly using the lyrics and I really loved that.

But yes, from the author's note in the third chapter it seems like there's not any more to the story, but I'd love to read the back story for these two character, I think it'd be great!

Lovely job!

Although these chapters are short they hold a lot of detail, which is nice to see. This is a great start and this definitely deserves some more love... awesome so far :)

I can't believe I recommended this but my subscription never went through

Anyway! I absolutely love the use of descriptors throughout the story. They really convey the emotion of the characters and the atmosphere of the setting immediately. I felt like I could literally feel the energy and electricity between Tyson and 'fruity girl' as our narrator calls her. The last line in the first chapter is also extremely haunting as well, it really gripped me in. I felt like I was experiencing this story with our narrator.

I also love the change between point of views in character - which is something I am an absolute sucker for in stories. It gives the story diversity because obviously people can react differently to situations and have different opinions. So far I am really liking the contrast between Tyson and Sonia.

I'm also really enjoying the complexity in Tyson's character so far and how well you have portrayed how hurt Sonia is. We can see in even simple things that she is hurt - such as the way she reacts to Tyson seeing other girls, and how she views them together.

Basically, I am really enjoying how this is definitely not the typical romance story, but one of an aftermath perhaps. I'm intrigued so far and I'm gutted I didn't read this any sooner. You've definitely got a sub from me!

No comments?! How can that be?? I don't really read Original, but this is great! Update soon!