Etched in Stone - Comments

Small bit of advice, I think people would be drawn in a LOT more if you had a layout (easily readable still, of course), and there are several people on here who could make one for you. As for the summary, it definitely draws me in, although, it is hard to get past the repetition of Etch's name. So that's a thought to maybe rework if you can find a better way.

Chapter One:
Capitalization of the chapter name should reflect that in the title.
I love the beginning set of descriptions. They really help me picture the park and immerse myself in the story. It's like I'm actually there. Major kudos to you for that.

And he was. But it wasn't... I see what you're trying to do with this paragraph, but the way it is written is very convoluted and more than mildly confusing, which messes with the flow of the piece as a whole. I would suggest a slightly more straightforward set of metaphors and descriptors to make this part a little easier on the readers.

Also, in the paragraph under that, there's either a spacing error. Either Everything... needs to be a line up, or be spaced down one more line.

When using a word more than once to emphasize something, use commas in between them. However, I would suggest using different descriptors rather than repeating words. A Thesaurus can be your best friend when needing synonyms for words. :3

Overall, besides what I mentioned, the spelling and grammar is perfectly fine. However, this first chapter, while excellently detailed, is very confusing. I found it difficult to get into because of how convoluted some of your metaphors and descriptors were. I understand trying to be cryptic, but sometimes simply being vague is more than enough. Overly done metaphors and analogies make things more confusing for a reader. It's a beautiful concept and definitely has a lot of potential. It's a good start!

Hello there!!!
I love your writing style. The way you describe things is fabulous. I think perhaps you go a teeny tiny bit overboard. Words are beautiful, let's use more!
*wink
I have this problem too. I think it make a few sentences in the opening chapter a bit convoluted. I did love the premise though. Stone giants in an alternate sleep land.
Helo, this is badass. I'm excited to see where it goes. Feels very Greek mythology to me at this point.
I would suggest a background and maybe a new story photo. Also something I struggle with. The background editor is near impossible to use, but presentation is everything.

Summary:
I feel like the summary shouldn't have included so much information. You dropped a lot of names and that could potentially confuse the reader. The summary should be used as a slight sneak peak of what's to come, however it seems like you gave away most of the plot in just a paragraph.

Chapter One:
I really love how you set up the story. I could picture everything you were describing and it was really great.
His eyes were old old old and they held the universe you using old more than once wasn't really necessary as there are other ways you could've explained his eyes were old instead of putting the word down more than once.
I think the fact that you said It hurt like hell three times in just three lines was a little redundant, unless that's what you were going for.
I really liked the imagery you set up, but the first chapter doesn't really give the reader much to work with. It was more showing the imagery rather than explaining much of anything.

All-in-all, you do have beautiful writing that I definitely enjoyed. You have a lot of misused commas that I would go back to edit if I were you as it would help the piece flow much better. I don't believe I saw any spelling/grammar mistakes, so good job on that.
I personally won't be continuing this because it isn't my cup of tea, but I wish you the best of luck. Nice job!