WHAT A STORY. Oh my God... Seriously good writing skills.
May 28th, 2016 at 05:28pm
Summary / Layout
The layout has this really weird feel to it, it's almost foreboding. I love that. The colours mesh together well with the banner image, and I love the way you've included the title in the banner. It looks really good. The simplicity of the summary gives me the tiniest bit of information and also makes me want to read on, so that's definitely a major positive for this story.
Content
I actually didn't figure out this was a fanfiction until like halfway through, so I definitely think this reads as an original, which is awesome. Your description makes it this really easy piece to read, and it also means that anybody unfamiliar with Pete (although I doubt anybody is unfamiliar with him -- even my dad knows who Pete Wentz is) would be able to read this and get what's going on. I think it takes a certain skill to be able to do that, so major kudos to you on that front.
What I like the most about this piece is that you've got the narrator starting off with that hatred for Pete, but it slowly dissolves into this weird kind of love-hate relationship. The way you orchestrate it is really nice as well -- I'm in love with the line about his teeth being piano keys, seriously -- and you get a feel for the narrator's views on him slowly changing, which is really interesting to watch. It's almost like the reader can see the narrator developing and expanding as a character, which is something that I really loved seeing throughout this piece.
Jack Daniels for your eyes. Absolut with a touch of cranberry for the night I first spent at your place. Corona for every other minute spent with you.
I absolutely adore this part, I really do. The fact that the narrator can't even drink without thinking about him and the fact that he hasn't called just speaks volumes for the way that the relationship is. It's kind of heartbreaking to read, especially when you factor in the fact that he hasn't called -- it's almost like the narrator is the one putting in the effort when Pete doesn't even care. And the bit at the very end, when he's had too much to drink and he finds that napkin -- it's absolutely heartbreaking. Add that into the fact that you've said in the author's note that parts of this are true and... honestly, I'm speechless. This was written so well, and was so difficult to read.
Concrit
I don't think I have a single thing to say here. I get so engrossed in the story itself every time I read it that I either miss any grammar / spelling errors or there just aren't any. Either way, it's damn difficult for me to not find at least one thing to criticise, so major props to you.
Overall
This is incredible. You've written it in such a way that the reader experiences every emotion along with the narrator, and it's difficult, heartbreaking, interesting and all other words that I could use to describe this. One of the comments below mentioned that this was gorgeous, and I definitely agree. This is incredible work, and I'm really glad you entered it in my contest.
