Silver Slytherin - Comments

@ pocahontas.
Thank you so much :)

I love that you've chosen to write about a Slytherin that doesn't fit into their ideals so perfectly. A muggleborn! How wonderful. It's odd to me though that she'd have trouble with Malfoy. Despite her blood, they're in the same house. This will certainly be filled with drama, I hope~ I love the first little video you've linked, too. There's one mistake: when your = you're

Chapter 1: Snape I think you described this chapter very well. A picture of desperation was painted quite nicely, and those of us familiar with the series got a quick glimpse of some of our original favorites. // there an abundance = there was // Larges windows = large // could pin the name = couldn't pin. There are more, so for this I'll just recommend you have someone give a second edit.

Chapter 2: It's so funny to me that Dumbledore said Draco would be patient. As if the whole school isn't aware that he's a git most of the time.

Chapter 3: Ah, clever. I thought the title was just a pretty thing because she was going to be a Slytherin and her name is Silver. A descendant of Salazar Slytherin; that is clever.

Chapter 4: Aaand, there it is. Of course he'd choose to get along with her. Way to go Silver for sticking up for herself. I didn't figure he'd go so far as to call her a mudblood, given who she is.

Chapter 5: Because Silver has just gotten to Hogwarts, it seems a little rushed to me that she already knows about Pansy and how Draco is annoyed by her. I also wish you'd have gone into more detail about the Great Hall scene. Surely they weren't alone?

Chapter 6: Slytherin students would be upset about someone potentially being a Death Eater? I love that out of everyone, even Draco who's supposed to be helping her, it's Harry that approaches her. Seems like a very Potter thing to do.

Chapter 7: I wonder what Lucius could want with her. And why she got so cold. This was indeed an intense chapter.

Chapter 8: This chapter was a little confusing, but I think it revealed a lot more about what happened to Silver. Or at least enough to speculate some outrageous ideas. The hospital wing bit reminds me greatly of the times Harry was there.

Chapter 9: Interesting non-verbal magic. I think it's a great addition to the Potterverse that Draco fears someone. Silver sounds amazing, so I'm really hoping for more of her in the future!

Chapter 10: I can actually hear Snape's dialogue in Alan's voice And that GIF~ I think it's so great, given Serverus' canon history, that Silver would ask him - the freak - if she was a freak. Unknowing of course, but I think it's just such a nice touch. And his reaction is perfect. I've always thought he'd show compassion to those who are different.

I can't wait to read more of this! There's just a few entries left to be judged, so do keep an eye on your messages/comments for results~

I love how Snape is just like "go to class." He's such a teacher, hahaha. Poor Silver! She seems genuinely hurt that she got called a freak :(

@ silk tea.
Thanks, I don't always catch the errors since I'm on my phone and I type really fast, I do warn you there's a serious plot twist in the last few chapters. :) but to explain it better she's gone 14-15 yrs without strange things happening to her. Until recently :)

In the summary you have muggle misspelled. Also it should be muggleborn as one worn because other wise it sounds like you’re saying she’s a muggle in Slytherin. Also your should be you’re because you’re stating that ‘you are the only muggleborn in Slytherin..’ and ‘isn’t easy when you are what they call a muggle…’

I’m curious about this just from the summary because does this mean she was thrown into Hogwarts whens she was fourteen and didn’t know why she could do strange things for a good fourteen years of her life? I wonder how they lost her letter that way because after reading HP and seeing the efforts they took to make sure Harry got his letter this is quite curious to me. So therefore I’m definitely intrigued to read the first chapter just on that curiosity alone.

Her body was weak and she only her eyes to scan over you might want to reword this sentence. it doesn’t make any sense.

and a bird that she remembered but could pin the name of it at that moment I’m assuming you mean couldn’t pin the name of it.

he wore a black cloack it’s cloak.

silvers eyes scrunched slightly Silver’s

After the last line of dialogue it needs to be ‘were the last words she heard’.

I’d recommend combing through this chapter and your others since it seems there’s a scattered amount of spelling errors. It also seems a bit wordy in some areas to me like you’re carrying on too much when it could be spelt out in a much simpler manner. But my curiosity is definitely going. I’m wondering how she ended up there, I’m also wondering who Silver is and what her story is.

I would definitely be interested to continue to see what’s going on in this story. Very nice.

It took me ages to get to the commenting part of my Hawaiian Giveaway you participated in, but behold it’s finally here!

The detail you incorporate into your scenes is done nicely. I had no trouble visualizing what you're describing. Although there are a couple minor typos, I think those could be fixed :) I tend to look over simple errors at times. For example: "Dear wake up." A soft hand touched... There should be a comma after dear.

I like how you're not afraid to try new things in your writing. It's unique and fresh.

I noticed some wordy sentences here and there. Awkward structured sentences are sometimes hard to work with. If you just play around with it, it'll flow nicely in the end. It's something I struggle with too so don't worry too much about it.

?????BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER??????

The first line in each chapter should be able to catch the reader's’ attention and I feel that you did so but maybe you could work on it? Starting with a lengthy sentence could string some of your audience away or make them scan over your work. I did, however, appreciate the detail you encoded in the beginning of your chapters.

I love the easy read of your story. It's the type of story that would make someone go on and on without stopping because it's just so good. With your writing, the reader can't miss anything or they will ache for more! I love the voice and nature you give Silver. I could relate to her in a way.

DAMMIT MALFOY, LET THE GIRL SPEAK

Dude, why can't she remember anything? Poor Silver! Even prof Dumbledore is confused af.

The more Malfoy speaks, the more I hate him. But the more he smiles, the more I love him. WHAT’S GOING ON??!? honestly, why do I appeal to all these bad boys? hahahah

WHAT IS IN HARRY’S MIND????
Also! I think you posted the same chapter twice. I'm seriously excited to see what the gang has to say to Silver!

And I can't help it but
Team Silfoy FTW
Silver x Malfoy yeeee

The layout is lovely. It’s simple and sweet. I think it captures the entire essence of the plot you have going on.

I really like reading this story, please update soon!! :D

I think Silver is an amazing name for a girl. :) I like it so far and the layout is lovely. Can't wait to see what happens next!

This is super interesting, already loving it so far! Can't wait to read more and find out what happens to Silver! Update soon! :D