He's My Best Friend's Brother - Comments

I can't believe you were around long enough to remember Quizilla! I thought I was the only one. And I really like your story, very creative

come on, dont leave me hanging!! <3

I'm a huge HP fan and I just love the Hermione/Fred ship. So already I'm in love with this. But you're writing is just fantastic.

I'm honestly glad that they had that fight and went separate ways. Hermione is too good for him.

The way each scene progresses is perfect too. It's so easy to read. When Molly is helping Fred and he's just not for it made me smile. I do wonder about that comment about her though, because this time Fred's alive...

The detail is incredible. I just loved the packaging that the bottle charms come in. But how do Fred and George know about the fairy tales? Hermione maybe?

I hope you update this soon because I've already subscribed.

At first, I was really confused, because I couldn't figure out if this was pre-war or post-war. I love that you've made it Fred and Hermione as a couple. This never crossed my mind as a possible pairing, mostly because I jumped on the Ron/Hermione bandwagon. The fight at the beginning is a very intense way to end things between the two, though I completely understand where Hermione is coming from. Although, I can sense a lot of something coming, I just don't know what it is.

I can't wait to read more!

At first, I was really confused, because I couldn't figure out if this was pre-war or post-war. I love that you've made it Fred and Hermione as a couple. This never crossed my mind as a possible pairing, mostly because I jumped on the Ron/Hermione bandwagon. The fight at the beginning is a very intense way to end things between the two, though I completely understand where Hermione is coming from. Although, I can sense a lot of something coming, I just don't know what it is.

I can't wait to read more!

Firstly, I want to say how much I love this layout. The muted Gryffindor colors really pull it all together. Also, knowing that this is a Fred and Hermione story makes everything so much better. I always thought they would have made a great couple (Thanks JKR for ruining that).

This definitely started off intense. The fight with Ron and Hermione, whoa, just whoa. At first I was like "what in the world is going on?" and it all just came together and I realized that it was basically the Golden Trio breaking apart. You're tearing this family apart! Hermione running off with Fred and George sounds like such and adventure though.
FRED IS ALIVE! Fred calling her 'Mione! Fred! And George! I loved the throw back to Sorcerer's Stone.
I adore the relationship with the Weasley's that Hermione has. You have written it so well!

I love how you are letting us all into Hermione's head after the entire ordeal that JKR put us through. It's fascinating to read your take on how she would think. Running of with Fred and George is a little shocking and I love it! It's fun to see her dynamic sort of change around the twins. She seems to joke more and have more fun as she is totally falling in love with Fred.

I woke up my dog laughing at Hermione calling the twins "Freddy and Georgie" to Lavender Brown.
Then Hermione taking drinking the Fairy tale in a Bottle. Oh this is going to be good.

Just how cliche this story is makes me love it even more. It definitely brings me back to when I used to haunt Quizilla when I was younger. You write Hermione so well, the Twins as well. I am having a fantastic time reading as their relationships progress, especially Hermione and Fred's.

Amazing, just amazing! I love it!

Like I said before, I absolutely love this cliche. It was one of my favourite plots back when Quizilla was still a thing. I really like that you made it a Hermione/Fred fic, even though I hardcore ship Hermione/Ron this seems like it'll be fantastic so far. You write Hermione well and are really keeping true to the personality of everyone you've included in the story so far which is nice. I like all of the detail that you have in the story. It almost feels like it adds to the cliche, which is kind of odd but I guess every time I read details about someone having a shower/getting ready in the morning it throws me back to the good old days

There were a few grammar issues/missing words, but it wasn't overly distracting to me or anything. Maybe just reading over the story again would help you catch the little things.

I really want to see what happens with the next chapter! You ended on such a cliffhanger and I'm dying to see what happens next

Great job!

¹My wand rested on the dresser, feet away from me, but my emotions got the better of me and I couldn't control my magic. ²Magic so palpable Ron didn't dare step closer to me.
The second clause is missing a few words/phrases like it was a and that.

"It is not at all the truth. Don't you go and get me started on the truth, Ronald."

Seeing as it was just sun up, I wasn't surprised to hear that they other Weasleys were waking up.

The tea kettle was screeching from the kitchen, the sound of pans and pots clanging against one another.
In my opinion, the modifier is misplaced. It doesn't fit the sentence whatsoever and if you want to put it as a description of the setting, you might have to make another sentence or remove it.

"And for the record, I'm not giving up on my friends, as you so put it. I'll be staying with Fred and George, helping out with the shop. Things will continue on as they have been.

With each word, his fury seemed to radiate. "You're running off with my brother? Merlin, Hermione, you've sure got class."

There are a few more that I've probably missed. You should definitely proofread the first chapter. Also, I noticed that you kept using period before or after dialogues and I'm sure that some of those should've been commas. I'm not entirely sure how dialogue punctuation works (only like 90%) though so I think you should check out grammar sites and see what they think.

Now, I can't really comment on Ron, Hermione, Harry, etc. because as I've said, I barely know anything about Harry Potter, unfortunately. I don't really know their relationship and I never read the books, nor watched all of the movies. To me, the first chapter lacks detail. I can see that you tried to put in descriptions here and there but they don't suit the scene presented. In this chapter, it was more of dialogue, like how scripts are made. If you can put details about what's going on with Hermione's mind or details about the setting, that would fill the gaps between the dialogues. So far, those were the only things that I've found in the first chapter.

Your layout for He’s My Best Friend’s Brother is incredible. Can you send me the link for the texture in the background? I’m in love with the brown leafy photo. Your first chapter is incredible! I can hear Hermione in my head yelling and Ron, and then when you switch to his dialogue I can hear his thick accent, I can even see his eyes widening as he talks and his hands flying around. And you never describe their movements! That blows my mind!

For chapter two, I love the effortlessness between Hermione and Fred. I like that he’s subtly flirting with her, and I love that in true Hermione fashion, she’s over thinking it. The tea shop was a nice setting for this chapter I think. You have a few small things, like missing commas and sometimes you say ‘they’ when you mean ‘the’ but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a quick re-read. I really like your writing style, and I think you’ve done a good job with it.

Let me tell you, I don't really do fan fiction. This is fantastic though. Please continue. :)

I have to say that I really like this. It is really good, and I can't wait to see more and where it goes from here.

I have to say that I really like this. It is really good, and I can't wait to see more and where it goes from here.

First: You go girl! Tell that redhead what's up!

Now that that's out of my system, the actual comment. I really liked the banner; it's simple and it looks amazing. The title maaaan it brought me back to my days of Quizilla; excellent combination between it and the cliches! I also liked that you wrote it in a first person perspective because it matches really well with the cliches.

I really liked the story a lot because a) I think Hermione could have done WAY better than Ron; she's so reliable, loyal, and overall amazing while Ron has always been a bit of a hardheaded fool and b) you really portrayed the characters exactly as I remember them: Hermione saying what's on her mind; Ron exploding for anything and everything; Molly trying her best to keep her family together (including those who were not born Weasley); Harry keeping himself away from any discussion

I only had a question, though; I haven't been super into HP since I think the Order of the Phoenix, so I was wondering if in this AU Fred doesn't die? If so, thank you for that because he's my favorite.

The layout is very neat and beautiful! I especially love the edited photo where one of the twins replaces Ron! The title really throws me back to some of my first stories that were full of cliches. Since you're aiming for a cliche, I think the title is on point of portraying that!

The first chapter really starts off great with Ron and Hermione arguing right away. While I do ship Ron and Hermione very much, it will be really interesting to see which twin she will start it off with. I'm going to guess George, but it could possibly be Fred for all I know. Haha, I smiled at the part when George and Fred were switching up their names.

Your story is easy to read with the grammar. I also think you planned out this story perfectly as a cliche with Hermione and Ron arguing right off the bat, and her starting to work with Fred and George at their shop. I will definitely look out for the upcoming chapters because I can't wait to see how it plans out between Ron, Hermione, and the twins!

So cliche, I can't wait to read the rest of it. I used to read so many stories about "the brother" back in my Quizilla days