June 12th, 2016 at 06:53am
Here leaving a very very late comment from my Make Me Laugh, Cry or Sit on the Edge of My Seat contest. Apologies for being so tardy!
Layout / Summary
The layout for this is amazing. I love the GIF in the layout, and the way that everything just gels together effortlessly. Even the GIF itself makes me curious for the story itself, and the summary just adds to that. It gives this instant view of who Thad is, and makes me really excited to get stuck in!
Content
I love this whole idea of Thad being totally different, and the fact that there's a solid, medical reason for it. Adding that into the fact that we don't actually know at this point what's caused his brain to be split and I'm literally sitting hanging onto every word, wanting to know what's going on! Thad is a really mysterious character -- you tell us just enough about him to get us interested, but you leave these really wonderful open-ended questions to make us really think about Thad. Even the way that he asks Nia how long his seizure lasts and almost makes a joke out of the whole thing just makes me more intrigued to find out what he's all about.
I think what struck me the most when I was reading this was the way in which the plot seems to move at an impossibly fast to the end. I've never seen that before and here, it works perfectly alongside the story. It adds this sense of urgency that the piece has -- it's almost like a ticking clock that counts down to the end. And when Thad goes into the surgery and he ends up not making it out... it's just horrible. I grew very attached to him in a very short period of time, and as Raveena said below, I'm actually quite glad there was no romance. It was perfect just the way it was, and it's really interesting to see that she's still thinking about him in the epilogue, even after the fact. It shows how profound an impact she made on him.
Concrit
I actually didn't see much at all. There were a few sentences that were a little awkwardly structured, but I don't actually remember what chapters I saw them in and they didn't take away from the storyline at all.
Overall
This was very well-written, and also very interesting! I love the entire premise of the story, I love the way you told it and I love the way that, even the second time around, I'm still hooked onto every word when I'm reading. Lovely job!
I feel like I missed something when I was reading this. It is very well written and it seems like you had the medical knowledge to back what you were getting into, but maybe it went too fast for me? It's hard to say. I didn't get a firm grasp on the character and the significance of the events, rather, I was strung along more in confused curiousity than anything else. I wanted to know more but it didn't carry the weight of a death I should... or did... concern myself over.
I am more curious about the setting, about where this all plays out and how. The significance of the boy being adopted and the like. Maybe I'm missing a piece of something somewhere?
Either way, it was still very well written with a solid setting I'd love to see more about. 8D