The Case of T.P. Wallace - Comments

Heya! I gave this a read through. I'm on my phone so I didn't get the gorgeous lay out but I remember it being pretty from before.

I feel like I missed something when I was reading this. It is very well written and it seems like you had the medical knowledge to back what you were getting into, but maybe it went too fast for me? It's hard to say. I didn't get a firm grasp on the character and the significance of the events, rather, I was strung along more in confused curiousity than anything else. I wanted to know more but it didn't carry the weight of a death I should... or did... concern myself over.

I am more curious about the setting, about where this all plays out and how. The significance of the boy being adopted and the like. Maybe I'm missing a piece of something somewhere?

Either way, it was still very well written with a solid setting I'd love to see more about. 8D

Here leaving a very very late comment from my Make Me Laugh, Cry or Sit on the Edge of My Seat contest. Apologies for being so tardy!

Layout / Summary

The layout for this is amazing. I love the GIF in the layout, and the way that everything just gels together effortlessly. Even the GIF itself makes me curious for the story itself, and the summary just adds to that. It gives this instant view of who Thad is, and makes me really excited to get stuck in!

Content

I love this whole idea of Thad being totally different, and the fact that there's a solid, medical reason for it. Adding that into the fact that we don't actually know at this point what's caused his brain to be split and I'm literally sitting hanging onto every word, wanting to know what's going on! Thad is a really mysterious character -- you tell us just enough about him to get us interested, but you leave these really wonderful open-ended questions to make us really think about Thad. Even the way that he asks Nia how long his seizure lasts and almost makes a joke out of the whole thing just makes me more intrigued to find out what he's all about.

I think what struck me the most when I was reading this was the way in which the plot seems to move at an impossibly fast to the end. I've never seen that before and here, it works perfectly alongside the story. It adds this sense of urgency that the piece has -- it's almost like a ticking clock that counts down to the end. And when Thad goes into the surgery and he ends up not making it out... it's just horrible. I grew very attached to him in a very short period of time, and as Raveena said below, I'm actually quite glad there was no romance. It was perfect just the way it was, and it's really interesting to see that she's still thinking about him in the epilogue, even after the fact. It shows how profound an impact she made on him.

Concrit

I actually didn't see much at all. There were a few sentences that were a little awkwardly structured, but I don't actually remember what chapters I saw them in and they didn't take away from the storyline at all.

Overall

This was very well-written, and also very interesting! I love the entire premise of the story, I love the way you told it and I love the way that, even the second time around, I'm still hooked onto every word when I'm reading. Lovely job!

I LOVED IT THAT WAS SO GREAT
And the whole reversing epilogue/prologue thing was genius. It worked out so well with this story.
UGH MY HEART

Wow is all I have to say about this. Can I also just say that Jesse Williams as Thad's faceclaim is the best? The ending to this made me really sad but I really really enjoyed how you did this story. For a sec, I thought it would take place over a long period of time, but I liked that it was all pretty much within a very short time frame, which makes this so unique. I also very much enjoyed the short chapters, it made everything flow so easily.

Also the story of Phineas Gage fucks me up. We learned about that in psych and I was like But that's awesome that you used that as the inspiration to this story!

Needless to say, I hate you for killing him. I, like Nia, grew very attached to him. I'm lowkey happy about the fact that there was no romance in this even though I could see Thad and Nia being together had he lived. It woulda been so cute!

But anywho, I really really loved this. Great job!

Summary: I loved how powerful the summary was. You gave great insight on what was to be expected and wow, I absolutely love the premise of this story? I'm definitely excited for it!

Epilogue:
At first I was really confused when I saw that you used epilogue instead of prologue, but your Author's Note cleared that right up. I think the idea to do so is genius, but I'll probably get confused at some parts, so please excuse me if I sound like a complete idiot.
I really like how this starts out. Honestly, it's almost like I can feel how the mother is feeling, as well as Topher and I really liked that.

Chapter One:
As I bring the man in an the ER examination room, an or the should be removed.
I didn't see any other mistakes in this chapter. It flowed really nicely, as well.

Chapter Two:
This chapter creates a mystery in my eyes. I'm assuming he keeps track of how long his seizures last- or at least, he had someone else do it for him. I wonder why, though?

Chapter Three:
I actually got chills from reading the last paragraph and line of dialogue. I could just feel his breath in my ear.

Chapter Four:
“Some of the citizens on that planet are tolerable.” I loved this line so much. I'd like to know why there's distaste for Earth, though.

Chapter Five:
I like how Thad almost has this child-like innocence/behavior about him. It's really sweet, honestly.
“I don't like Earth. I dislike the people there. I hate their rules. Oh, and their caste system is stupid. They said they believe in equality? That's a load of bullshit.” Hands down, favorite line.
Ah, the story was so powerful and Thad's reactions only made it that much more so.

I absolutely love this so much thus far and I'll definitely be continuing once I post this comment. Your descriptions and imagery for the story is fantastic. Everything flows so well and there are very few mistakes I'm actually seeing. Well done!

I really love this. It's so sad. I feel like the short, fleeting chapters really add to the sadness of a life cut short. The characters are really wonderful in the short moments we have with them. I'm excited for the last chapter. :3

UG THIS IS SERIOUSLY SO GOOD AND DESERVES SO MUCH LOVE.
I don't even know what the last two chapters can be about but I need them! I hope Yvette is explained and also why she feels like Thad deserved her fate. I'm just burning curiosity man. Great job with this, I can't wait to see how you finish this

I love this and I love the nonlinear way this story unfolds. The short chapters really aid the story two because the moments feel more special. I'm a huge fan of Thad's.

I love this and I love the nonlinear way this story unfolds. The short chapters really aid the story two because the moments feel more special. I'm a huge fan of Thad's.