Just Sleep - Comments

Layout is 11/10, I swear.

He could hear talking outside of his room, figures creating shadows that danced along his floor.
I think you should add the door somewhere between that because that might confuse some people as to where the shadows are (like I did). You could say that the shadows were underneath the door or something like that.

There was a soft knock on the door and a smiling face made its through the darkness, softening their steps to prevent him from waking.
You must've missed a word between its and through.

You've used his eyes three times in the whole short story. It's just me being picky and all but maybe you can find other ways to substitute for that? You can also check the thesaurus for other synonyms of fixed. I'm just really picky, sorry.

Ultimately, I feel like the setting is in a hospital - lol, obviously but specifically in a psych ward. But that's just my two cents. Anyway, great job!

That gave me an odd feeling in my stomach. And I mean that in the best way possible. Do you realize how much description, emotion, and just ahh you managed to fit in just four paragraphs? That was amazing. I agree with the person below me too, eerie is a good word for it.

You are talented, that's for sure.

Hi, here's your Kit Kat from my candy bowl!

If I had one word to describe the way I felt while reading this, it was AHHHHHHHH. This was sooooo eerie. Especially the part about the smiling face in the darkness, oooooof. I got the chills. The overall mood of this story was very unsettling and your imagery really helped add to it. You really pulled off the whole being vague but not too vague thing, because it made me definitely want to know more and keep reading. Great job, I liked this!!

Wow. Before I even started reading this, the layout already gave off this eerie feeling from the photo to the dark background, which I love.

This gave me shivers since your imagery is to die for. The only mistake I really caught was the first sentence of the second chapter:
There was a soft knock on the door and a smiling face made its through the darkness, softening their steps to prevent him from waking. I think you forgot the word way in between its and through, but besides that there was no other mistakes I saw. The entire thing was well written. My favorite description would probably be the way you described how her smile was like a knife. I really envy how you can convey so much in so little!