To Be Taken - Comments

I audibly gasped at this layout. It's so lovely! Fae did a great job here. Definitely gives off vibes of being in space and surrounded by planets. Your two prisoners are really lovely together - they compliment each other without both being "perfect" in the looks department. The actual summary is an ideal length and gives away the "just right" amount of information; the conflict was set up quickly and no details were given, this really interests me! And ah! The aesthetic is so magical. I like how there's so much blue radiating from the black because it really brings everything to life.


Sci-fi has never really been my thing when it comes to reading but I must say that Mibba does it really well! I absolutely adored this right off because your introduction was so fantastic. The planet within the system reminds me of countries within Earth - this seems, so far, like it could really parallel some of the present-day issues and I hope it will!

The build of this chapter flowed along right to my liking. Not too slow, not too fast, and with a suspenseful turn right at the end. You also left of on a cliffhanger, which is perfect for a prologue. It makes me wonder about Ezra and how he got taken because I can already draw conclusions about where he was taken to thanks to the summary. Very nicely done!


OKAY yeah, everyone is getting kidnapped and there are frequent air raids but let's go outside. No wonder You quickly begin instilling the fear of Lyssa into the reader with your descriptive words and spooky setting, which is definitely a talent. I figured the two pictured would be a couple, and from this chapter it seems like they are. I can't wait to see what happens should they get split up or something.

It's funny to me that this has the stereotypical alien abduction in it because I was expecting humans to abduct aliens - I wonder if it's ironic that the humans are doing it this way, or if this is actually an alien abduction story. (Which either way would be fantastic!) You leave off the chapter at just the right moment in the story, too, drawing me in and keeping it at a good length at the same time.

Two mistakes: tress surround their - surrounding
and the laid back - then

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Sci-fi is always touch and go with me because I'm more fantasy inclined but the summary just really intrigues me and okay, I might be really excited about the fact that they're not humans because why not?

I really like this introduction, of how you tell us a bit about their planet without bombarding us with all these details we don't need. We get a small sense of what Lyssa's life is on this planet, and then you just have this sudden change that occurs when they're suddenly too insignificant. That's just not good.

Why wasn't the raid spoke of??? That's just crazy and suspicious because just ignoring it doesn't make it go away, as is clear by the raids occurring more and more. It's so sad to read about them huddling on the sofa together, confused and unsure what's going to happen because one day that sofa might not be all that effective in providing that needed sanctuary.



I have to admit, I was expecting that to occur. Of her friend convincing her to go out during a time when they shouldn't, despite her having reservations. It's a trope that I've got somewhat irritated about because it's always a friend, they always protest but give in, then something bad happens. I just feel that situations like that could be done in a different way, one that doesn't feel already exhausted.

The point of the chapter still resounds in your words - their fear, their desperation to escape and then their inevitable seeming capture at the end. I'm still fearful about what might now happen to Lyssa and why the humans do this, why they're taking people from her planet. I want to know more, to have more to placate my questions, so despite the trope the chapter was still good and effective.

If there was a third chapter, I so would have read it. As it is, I'm looking at the last update date like ??? because why has it been so long??

The layout for this is stunning, holy hell! I agree with everybody below as well -- it's so unique and refreshing to see something that seems to focus on a race other than the human race.

Prologue

The description of Lyssa being an insignificant life form is just so... wow. Coupled with this idea of another planet, it really makes you think about the fact that we're all absolutely tiny in the grand scale of things. You've then got this wonderful description of the fact that their planet may not be much, but it's home and that's the way that they all like things to be. I like that, it's like being proud of your homeland because it's more than just a name in a history book.

I got really sad instantly when I read about the humans thing. I think we're probably known as a race as being the ones that destroy everything, so it makes sense that we'd be greedy and want another planet as our own. The idea of the sirens and the way that it goes from being an isolated incident to a part of everyday life just smacks of past conflicts like WWII and stuff, so I really enjoyed how realistic you've got that part being. You can almost see the entire thing going down, it's beautifully described and I'm really excited to read on, especially with Ezra's thoughts on being invincible. I can't see that ending well.

Freedom

I actually really like Ezra. I love reading about rebellious characters and right from the outset, he seems to have this rebellious streak, a desire to do everything against the rules and just deal with the consequences at a later date. But then again, he's also got this streak of convincing people to do stuff, which I really don't like. He's such a three-dimensional character, it's really delightful to read. The dynamics of his friendship with Lyssa are also very realistic -- this idea of the push-and-pull of peer pressure and the way that they interact reminds me of friendships I've had myself.

I knew the adventure wasn't gonna end well, oh man. I'm really worried, especially with the discussion of the sirens and the humans in the past chapter, as to what's going to happen to them. In just the space of the prologue and the first chapter, I've gotten this sense of their characters and I've already connected to them, so I'm genuinely concerned.

I second Sam -- I am definitely excited to read more of this.

Your summary is so so fresh. I love that, like what Rav said, this particular story is told through a race other than human race. I find that beyond fresh mainly because it really captives the premise of your main character’s thoughts, especially since this will be focus on someone non-human.

The layout is beautiful. Fae is bae.

Prologue.

I definitely like that you mentioned “their planet was home” in both the summary and the beginning of this chapter. I get a nice reassurance that the aspect of family or home will play a main role in this story.

“History of Interplanetary Life” HAHA I LIKE THIS
The mention of school life is great because you, as a writer, are channeling your main character’s real life, you know? I don't see much stories talking about a 17 year school life when in fact this is suppose to be a normal thing to read in a story.

I like how well you flowed between her perspective on her life and the actual description of her life. There is a nice balance between a timeline feel and to the actual mystery of this story.

Freedom.

This chapter was beyond fantastic.

Ezra is such an alluring character. By this line, “The second was that Lyssa knew his words were filled with empty promises if the last few times that the same words escaped his lips were anything to go by,” I get the possible vibe of Ezra. You always know what to say or write based on your scenes. You've heard me say this a million times but I'm going to say it again~ you just know how to string your words together into a perfect structured sentence.

I wonder what they'll do on their adventure

Omg hahahaha HE IS SO idk CUTE? lol
He's so adventurous and just aches for adrenaline and I feel like you made him like this for a reason~ he's a good touch to her character

Just the way he's moving and talking, I get a feeling that she kinda likes him? I could be wrong and it could just me the romantic in me taking over

TOWARDS THE ENDING
You wrote the transition to the ship with so much perfection. And ugh that ending, man. What pinched her? OH GOD, EZRA!!! IS HE OKAY?

Totally excited to read more! Great job, Lizz!

I am in love with this. The idea itself is so damned unique. The flow of the story is great; your punctuation and grammar is flawless.

NOOO. I knew they shouldn't have left, but noooo, they did. Now something bad is going to happen! I was going to comment on this sooner, but kept forgetting, so sorry.

I've always loved stories like this, the ones that aren't on Earth and are somewhere else in the stars. With stories like this, anything can happen. Alien invasions, space wars, space romance, who knows? I guess I just like the science behind stories like this because the author always comes up with amazing back stories for their characters.

Of course, it's just like humans to come to any place and take it over? I think that's what I'm super scared of if we actually find life on other planets; we'll take it over and basically kill the planet like we're doing to our own. Why can't we just leave things alone??

The concept of this story is very interesting, if I haven't already made that clear, and if you couldn't already tell, I am already loving this story. I'm curious about who Ezra is since he is only mentioned a few sentences in the end of the prologue. I seriously can't wait to read more!

Based on the summary alone, this is new. Shut up about it being bad lol. If basing on the summary alone, it looks original and fresh since sci-fi never talks about prisoners and stuff from an "alien" perspective. And just general shoutout to Fae for her amazing layout skills.

Okay, seriously, shut up about this being bad lol. It's the exact opposite. Descriptions are very well done. Even though it's sci-fi I'm invested in this tiny planet and can totally see it as "Yeah. Humans are shit who are capturing people on a tiny planet for God knows why. Totally believable."

I would love to see the reasoning why and what exactly they do to those who get taken, but that's obviously going to happen within the following chapters.

It's a strong and good start. Nothing in really jarring at me, but then again I'm shit with those kinds of things, so all I can say is I really can't wait to see what's next.

double bubble.

Holy comolie I'm so into this. And you are not horrible at prologues shush. This was so cool and interesting. I love the way that you write, it's almost poetic. Everything just flows really nicely together and I love it.

The concept of this is so interesting. You don't usually see stories in the point of view of another race besides humans, and that makes it so much more interesting. That's literally the reason why I love sci-fi so much because you can literally do anything with it. I don't like humans enough as it is (at least until Donald Trump goes away) and this is making me dislike them even more I can't wait for the rest of this!

As for the contest, I don't see anything wrong with this and this layout is awesome (oh Fae ). Great job!

This has hooked me already. I hope you continue it!

I'm excited