Watching - Comments

I really do like how this is void of a lot of description - it's simple, to the point and emphasises how what we're seeing is a very private, very intimate moment in time between the two. It's teasing while also keeping a sense of modesty in that most of the things she mentions are non-sexual and it's only the situation and dynamic between the two that has produced the sexual atmosphere.

It's so short and to the point that it almost leaves you wanting to see more into this intimate moment, while at the same time stopping so that nothing is explicit, only implied. I really like how you did that.

I don't normally read this sort of thing, so I'm not really too sure how helpful my comment is going to be. I apologise in advance!

I feel like, as this is kind of an intimate position for both people involved in the story, the sparse description really works well. It's almost as if we're getting a look at this hidden snapshot into their lives -- almost like we kind of shouldn't see it. It's little snippets, and I think that does work well alongside the plot.

Some of your description is really nice too -- the metaphors in particular. It's written with a real finesse, and I do enjoy the way you write in this. Nice job!

Though this isn't really something I would normally read, I think you did a good job at following the prompt for the contest that this was written for.

Though there isn't a ton of detail, I feel like the little bits of detail you provided were enough for the story. It left a lot to the imagination which I think is good for a story like this, while still providing enough information for the reader to understand what was happening in the story.

I liked the ending as well, I thought you picked a great sentence to end the story on to sort of tie everything together. Nice job!