Wild Things - Comments

@ Michael Westen
oh my gosh! I am literally seeing this like 3 months late! I suck, I know ! I've actually kind of gave up writing because I've just been going through so much that it's hard to find any motivation to write anything. (I enjoy reading so much better)

But I have never had someone break down something I wrote like you did, and I really appreciate it! I never catch my grammar errors until after I publish and reread it. I have a minor case of dyslexia, so I never even notice really. But thank you for letting me know. Because you wrote this, I will continue to write for this story...if you're still reading this that it. Thank you again!

Summary
I connect with this so deeply. It really is crazy that relationships can end like this. I'm excited to see where this goes.

Youth
Age 5/6 that's intense. There is definitely some grammar bits to look out for, but overall just... Wow. I don't really understand what happened, I'm thinking maybe he punched her and just blacked it out? I also don't quite understand how the parents came rushing in the room? Did they see him do something, because she didn't cry or scream? I'm intrigued about Leighton.

Five Years Later I find it really interesting that two 10 year olds are sneaking around like this. Makes me wonder just what kind of parents they have, well MJ at least.

Three Years Later I really like how their friendship is evolving with the use of nicknames. It's subtle.
And here you have the resident jerk. You've done a really good job at laying that out. I already don't like Penelope.

I think because I have at least experienced a friend walking away like this that it stung just that little bit more. It sucks to see this happen, but at the same time this is just looking at it one way.

Overall I think this is an interesting story.

I like it. I want to know more about Leighton's back story. Reading the first chapter, it almost reminded me of the start of the Swan Princess--just because of the fact that the five and six year olds seemed to hate each other. But, when you told the story of three years after the first part of chapter one, they seemed to lighten up to each other.
In the second chapter, I got the sense that Max is a tough girl, and I saw some of that at the end of the first chapter, When Leighton ditched her to walk with the other people. But when it was mentioned that Max was in love with Leighton, it piqued my curiosity, and i'm eager to read more and see how this story unfolds.

I like it. I want to know more about Leighton's back story. Reading the first chapter, it almost reminded me of the start of the Swan Princess--just because of the fact that the five and six year olds seemed to hate each other. But, when you told the story of three years after the first part of chapter one, they seemed to lighten up to each other.
In the second chapter, I got the sense that Max is a tough girl, and I saw some of that at the end of the first chapter, When Leighton ditched her to walk with the other people. But when it was mentioned that Max was in love with Leighton, it piqued my curiosity, and i'm eager to read more and see how this story unfolds.

I like it. I want to know more about Leighton's back story. Reading the first chapter, it almost reminded me of the start of the Swan Princess--just because of the fact that the five and six year olds seemed to hate each other. But, when you told the story of three years after the first part of chapter one, they seemed to lighten up to each other.
In the second chapter, I got the sense that Max is a tough girl, and I saw some of that at the end of the first chapter, When Leighton ditched her to walk

@ cuppycake
Ahhhh Thank you very much, I'm excited as well

I can't wait for you to update! I'm excited to see where this story goes