I Gave You All - Comments

  • abigail.

    abigail. (400)

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    Bibliophile
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    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    Thank you so much for your participation in The Great iTunes Drabble Contest Cute

    I'm in the midst of reading/judging, so expect a PM from me soon!
    January 9th, 2016 at 01:05am
  • saeglopur

    saeglopur (350)

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    Member
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    24
    Location:
    United States
    The first thing I really liked about this was the namelessness of the characters. How you simply referred to them as 'he' and 'she'. I feel like, although the inspiration was a song, this focused a lot on the human body and I really like that it was the overall theme of this short piece. It was a very strategic move and also well executed because although you used bodies and the different parts of it, there was clearly a message being transmitted through that. I specifically like the line: "wishing that their limbs were stuck in sinking sand below them" It was very powerful and it also ties into the first line of this. I think drabble's can be hit or miss since they're so short but you did a good job at being concise yet emotive.
    December 24th, 2015 at 05:05am