July 31st, 2016 at 04:52pm
This looks like a great start to a new story. I'm definitely subscribing.
Reading this, I got that YA novel/John Green kind of vibe (not a bad thing!). I thought that was a really nice introduction to the characters. In just that chapter, I feel like I got a bit of everyone's personality (both Arabella and Lukas', as well as the other minor characters).
I loved your descriptions. I thought they were just enough to help me picture the characters and get a sense of the setting, but they weren't so much that it felt overwhelming or tedious to read. I also like that your descriptions really captured the whole scene, including most (if not all) of the senses. It really helped me feel immersed in the story.
This looks like it'll be a really nice story to read for the summer, so hopefully there'll be more updates.
This layout is beautiful. It's so simple, but the little font changes you made really made it that much more gorgeous. The summary is short and sweet, but SO good. I love that instead of just listing character names you referred to the as the destroyer and the destructed.
Content
I LOVE the repetition of "The first time..." Such a good element. Your detailed writing is amazing. I can really visualize as I read along, and I like that a lot. It's more than just words, I get a picture. Also, I love that it's told from a male POV. I feel like there are so many stories with female leads fawning over a guy. This is a pleasant change.
"“Don’t tell anyone I was smoking,” was all she said, her voice felt like silk running over my skin as the words rushed out of her mouth. I nodded, running through sentences in my head like it was a marathon, trying to find the perfect ones to say to the girl in front of me." The reference to silk in this paragraph is beautiful. You can see that Lukas is so in awe of Arabella, and I'm really curious to see how their interactions grow.
I adore the fact that he lied for her, because it makes for a great line and a great story. He hardly knows her, yet here he is, lying to his manager.
I can't wait to see more. Great Job!