Hurricane - Comments

  • delicate.

    delicate. (100)

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    Ghoul of 2016
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    Layout + Summary
    This layout is beautiful. It's so simple, but the little font changes you made really made it that much more gorgeous. The summary is short and sweet, but SO good. I love that instead of just listing character names you referred to the as the destroyer and the destructed.

    Content
    I LOVE the repetition of "The first time..." Such a good element. Your detailed writing is amazing. I can really visualize as I read along, and I like that a lot. It's more than just words, I get a picture. Also, I love that it's told from a male POV. I feel like there are so many stories with female leads fawning over a guy. This is a pleasant change.

    "“Don’t tell anyone I was smoking,” was all she said, her voice felt like silk running over my skin as the words rushed out of her mouth. I nodded, running through sentences in my head like it was a marathon, trying to find the perfect ones to say to the girl in front of me." The reference to silk in this paragraph is beautiful. You can see that Lukas is so in awe of Arabella, and I'm really curious to see how their interactions grow.

    I adore the fact that he lied for her, because it makes for a great line and a great story. He hardly knows her, yet here he is, lying to his manager.

    I can't wait to see more. Great Job!
    July 31st, 2016 at 04:52pm
  • Audrey T

    Audrey T (6730)

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    This looks like a great start to a new story. I'm definitely subscribing.

    Reading this, I got that YA novel/John Green kind of vibe (not a bad thing!). I thought that was a really nice introduction to the characters. In just that chapter, I feel like I got a bit of everyone's personality (both Arabella and Lukas', as well as the other minor characters).

    I loved your descriptions. I thought they were just enough to help me picture the characters and get a sense of the setting, but they weren't so much that it felt overwhelming or tedious to read. I also like that your descriptions really captured the whole scene, including most (if not all) of the senses. It really helped me feel immersed in the story.

    This looks like it'll be a really nice story to read for the summer, so hopefully there'll be more updates.
    June 14th, 2016 at 09:56pm
  • warmaiden

    warmaiden (6085)

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    NaNoWriMo 2015
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    28
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    United States
    you have a way of painting pictures w/ all these descriptions & im just physically overwhelmed @ this point. i especially love stories that have a male protagonist bc that just makes my life so much better. also arabella. she sounds so hot & i just love her attitude & outlook on everything. definitely an outcast rebel who needs to just take my heart. im giving it to her, hope she takes it.

    this is amazing, lizz! Arms
    June 14th, 2016 at 01:47am
  • dawn of light

    dawn of light (100)

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    I’m super glad you mentioned this story in my giveaway. I'm excited.

    First of all, your summary is aesthetically pleasing, while being a nice brain picker for your readers. Your layout also gives me this shy girl vibe. But I have a feeling that she's not shy at all. Lol. Let's find out.

    I absolutely love that you're telling the story from another perspective aside from Arabella. I love that it's also a guy’s pov. I don't read much stories about a guy telling their feelings (number one reason why I love writing guy POVs) or something similar to that so I freaking love this fresh aspect in your story. I also liked that he first saw her in a grocery store (side note: only grocery store in town??! OMFG) the way she was mainly because her actions and attitudes may foreshadow how she'll be in their potential relationship. Obviously I was wrong about her being a shy girl but I'm still biting my tongue. Maybe once we get to know Arabella more, she'll maybe be shy? I dunno ~~

    Okay back to the guy’s POV~ I am in love with his thoughts. I just want to hug him and high five him at the same time because he isn't obvious of a girl!! I am in love with his brain because he picks up the littlest details of Arabella (10 points to you as an author tehe) This character you created is by far one of my favorites ever because of how mysterious he is. You make it seem like anyone could break his heart but maybe he's a lowkey heartbreaker? Think

    I definitely liked your transitions. Like the way you went from introducing Arabella to their first encounter and to the weather / location. I just thought it was seamless and had a perfect flow. I also enjoyed how well the beginning and ending sentences clicked. Ugh. I fucking adore how well both start and ending thoughts mirrored each other. Lukas’s actions changed by telling a lie and I felt like it was very soon, I guess, because I imagine him as a very innocent boy who doesn't break the rules. So him lying could just foreshadowing how Lukas could change while being with Arabella for a longer period. But of course, he has a great interest for her sooooo my theory could change Think lmfao

    I really really love how well your writing can make me analyze your work. I'm not surprised that us readers can suck in so much information in a small chapter written by you. I can't wait to see Lukas’s character grow so of course I'm excited for a new update!
    June 12th, 2016 at 10:55am
  • oh bear

    oh bear (100)

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    ngl I know an Arabella in real life so it's a bit funky reading about someone with this name, but, MOVING ON.

    I like a lot of things about this story, in particular the formatting of the summary. It's intriguing and makes me want to know more about how Arabella destroys things. What does she destroy? Is it figurative or literal? Anyway. It sets some stuff for the story: Arabella is important, she's probably the love interest, etc.

    I like how the first time the narrator sees her, it's in a mundane setting, but based on the summary and title we already know she's important. I really liked that you wrote "demented halo" XD; the contrast of that description seems very accurate in terms of the rest of her character in the rest of the chapter. The narrator (Lukas) seems a bit lost, but I like how based on "lied to my manager for the first time", he seems like a good boy who might probably fall into the wrong crowd.

    I'm really excited for the rest because it seems like Arabella is a like hxc version of a manic pixie dream girl and Lukas seems a bit like a lost, mild mannered brooding man (as works with the trope). I'm into it. Coffee
    May 29th, 2016 at 06:20pm
  • swell

    swell (150)

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    Firstly I have to mention the layout / summary because they're both absolutely gorgeous. Although the summary is brief, it does a great job of telling me what's to come in the story without giving too much away. I wonder about the story though, since the summary reads like it'd be a romance / drama but the layout itself is quite dark.

    Onto the actual chapter:
    I love this already. I love the way we get an insight into Lukas' thoughts by how he describes everything he's done with Arabella - from the first time he saw her, talked to her and the end with seeing her smile. Such a nice way to end the chapter. I love the vibes that I get from Arabella too - she seems tough, not down to let anyone give her shit so it'll be interesting to see how Lukas and Arabella's relationship grow. I get the impression that Lukas wants to impress her, but he also knows what she's like and he's not going to stand for it either (considering he calls her destruction and all XD). I'm hoping that Arabella's not going to fuck Lukas up but I can totally see this happening (and I also hope she doesn't destroy him because I'm already lowkey rooting for Lukas).

    I can't really pick any faults with your writing. It's easy to read and it flows well, your descriptions are on point and I love when I can imagine what I'm reading playing in my mind. I'm very intrigued to see where this goes and you can bet your ass I'll be subbing!
    May 13th, 2016 at 04:35pm
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Layout/Summary - Both equally amazing, especially the summary.

    Chapter 1 Your descriptions are incredible. It's very easy to see the scene, to see what the setting looks like, and to hear how the characters are talking.

    I love this as an introduction. The repeating "The first time I saw Arabella" was done really well and I liked how it tied in how Lukas thinks.

    He seems like he's going to be a great character, although from how I perceive it he seems quite meek, not very sure of himself, but he's definitely wanting to impress Arabella.

    Arabella seems like one of those girls who grew up in a not so great home, and her attitude reflects that. She definitely isn't a push over and I don't think she's afraid of getting in any kind of trouble.

    I do wonder just where you are taking this. I kind of think that maybe Arabella will corrupt Lukas, and he's going to end up having this huge character arc, but I kind of hope Arabella isn't a complete lost cause.

    I'm definitely going to subscribe and recommend. Please update soon Smile
    May 12th, 2016 at 09:46pm
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    Antarctica
    Layout + Summary
    Okay, I just want to take a moment to say how much I absolutely adore this layout. It's so perfect. The summary is equally as perfect. It doesn't give too much away, but damn, does it pack a punch!

    One
    I'm loving how you started this out. Your descriptions are to die for! Lukas seems so shy and stunned that someone like Arabella is talking to him. It's really adorable, actually. Either that, or he's just really intimidated by her.

    Geez, Lukas, don't creep the boy out. I would've calmly just walked right back in, lol. He's acting so suspicious.

    Arabella definitely has that 'I don't give a fuck' attitude, and I definitely appreciate that, but I'm really wondering how it's going to play in the story, especially when it comes to Lukas. It was sweet that he lied for her, but I'm curious to know if she's going to repay him in some way or just screw up his life.

    I definitely can't wait to see what you do with this! The flow was perfect to me and I didn't notice any mistakes. I'm definitely looking forward to reading more. Great job!
    May 5th, 2016 at 07:30am
  • lost em.

    lost em. (100)

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    I friggin love this gorgeous layout In Love Swoon It's gorgeous! And the little intro/summary is chilling.

    Bleh, I hate smoking >.<

    I love your attention for detail, OMH! (Seriously, in each story I read by you, you have such great imagery!)

    I'm not used to reading a story in the guy's POV, so this is a little strange to me, but I love it. I wonder how long he's been working there and why now is the first he's seen her. And she seems like destruction XD

    I can't wait to read more! (And I'm still fangirling over this layout!)
    May 4th, 2016 at 06:20am
  • squidward tentacles.

    squidward tentacles. (255)

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    YESSSSS IM SO READY. SO HAPPY YOU STARTED THIS. OMGYES
    May 3rd, 2016 at 10:14am
  • the dalliance.

    the dalliance. (305)

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    Cheese I NEED THIS PRONTO
    March 14th, 2016 at 10:22pm
  • Limitless;;

    Limitless;; (100)

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    NaNoWriMo 2016
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    This layout is perfection <3
    January 7th, 2016 at 07:02am
  • raja sahara

    raja sahara (100)

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    NOT STOPPING YOU THIS LOOKS AMAZING OMGYES
    January 7th, 2016 at 06:36am
  • dawn of light

    dawn of light (100)

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    the layout Cheese
    THIS LOOKS V GREAT
    January 6th, 2016 at 08:20pm