I think the idea of Haruhi's cousin meeting the host club is unique! In some of the Ouran fics I've read, lots of times, it's always another member's sister or Haruhi's sister, so it was a nice change. :)
As much as I enjoyed this first chapter, I do have some critiques. First, while I appreciated that you spaced it out when it changes into a new scene, you also have to space the rest of your paragraphs and dialogue. This was just something that bugged me a little since sometimes I'll get lost when reading a huge paragraph. I would have also liked more description as well. I'm not sure if you forgot to add it, but she says “I go to “, so we don't know the name. It's okay though. :)
I can tell from the first chapter that Scarlett seems to have a strong relationship with her brother, especially considering what had happened to them. I'm interested to see what his part will be in the story, I have a feeling that it'll be crucial. Excited to see what you come with next!
As much as I enjoyed this first chapter, I do have some critiques. First, while I appreciated that you spaced it out when it changes into a new scene, you also have to space the rest of your paragraphs and dialogue. This was just something that bugged me a little since sometimes I'll get lost when reading a huge paragraph. I would have also liked more description as well. I'm not sure if you forgot to add it, but she says “I go to “, so we don't know the name. It's okay though. :)
I can tell from the first chapter that Scarlett seems to have a strong relationship with her brother, especially considering what had happened to them. I'm interested to see what his part will be in the story, I have a feeling that it'll be crucial. Excited to see what you come with next!