Untitled - Comments

@ aubs
Thank you so much for your kind words. The story line does slightly develop but finding time to write it is hard ATM. Just to let you in on a little secret, that first chapter was a dream. I will hopefully upload more at some point in the near future

The concept for this chapter is interesting, to say the least. Not much background information was really given, so what we read it what we know. From what I could tell, and really guess, is that something happened. Maybe something big that changed the way people live. Maybe Steve is just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Who knows.

One thing that kind of bothered me was that there was only three paragraphs. Things were clumped into one paragraph, especially in the third one. I suggest breaking down the paragraphs a little more just so the ideas don't all flow into the others, if that makes any sense. Like in the third paragraph, so much happened, and the paragraph itself seemed a little cluttered.

I really liked the amount of description that was written into this. Important details were not left out; you put in what you thought and knew was good enough to mention, to help the story along a bit more. Things in the chapter seemed rushed, but not in a bad way. I couldn't wait to get to the end of the chapter to see what happened because I was only fearing the worst; I had to know what happened to the girl and to Steve. And hoping that the hooded person would come back. They did, but nothing more was said about them, which is awesome. The character remains a mystery at this point.

The tense you chose seemed to fit the story, and if you don't want to change it, you don't have to. A lot of authors use present tense, but I've also seen some write it in past tense. You don't have to choose the most popular one to write in, it's just what you think your story would be best written in. (I only say this because I noticed that other comment). Well, I think that's all I have to say about this. I really enjoyed reading it, and don't have any more feedback to give you.

@ Curare44
I appreciate it I just felt writing it in the present tense would be appropriate with where the story is going. But i will take this advice on board

Write this in the past tense, which is the usual way that professional authors write.
For a mid-December it was surprisingly warm.There was no snow, no rain and no people.