We Will Go - Comments

RAVEENA
YOU HAVE TO UPDATE THIS
i love this sm okay
layout loooking so good yeah you fae
ty love ya

Saw this story on the home page and I absolutely LOVE this! More soon!

This layout.
And Zev, hot damn.

I love the first chapter for several reasons. Number one it starts off getting into the thick of the action which is always a plus because it gets me hooked and wanting to read more. Number two I love all the little details you put in relating to Desi culture. Like how it's this hybrid wedding combining traditional "American" wedding stuff and traditional Desi wedding stuff. Especially bc I'm a sucker for Indian weddings. I wanna steal all the pretty outfits.

Zev being at his wedding and then suddenly at his birth was such a trip, and also sort of funny because like, what's a person gonna do with that?

I already love Penelope, she's so fucking cute. I like how she still travels back to her "real"'time to see her family, and in also glad that they're like chill with it instead of trying to hang her as a witch or something their familial relationship is just so cute. AND SHE HAS A PET HOTEL HAHAHA. LOVE IT.

You also know I am a sucker for the love-hate romances (I assume Zevelope is gonna be a thing, right??) cause I'm so on board for that. Even though I feel bad for Zev and Lily. I love the way Zev and Penelope kind of snipe at each other, and Zev's mom is the definition of adorable. I also think you move seamlessly through the time travel stuff, which would be so easy to get confused but you do it in a way where I'm not scrunching my nose at the screen going whaaaat?

Loving this so far!

"...just seems like some really bad Hollywood movie," HAHHAA THIS. I can't get enough of his jokes. I obviously said this before but I just really love how well you write out Zev's character. His jokes, personality and everything about him makes me think he's a real human being.

UGGGGH ZEV AND LILY he's so cute trying to call her back
LILY, JUST LOVE HIM PLS
I can totally see her side of this situation tho
ugh i want them to just be together

NO WAIT
i like lily but my heart is set for Zev and Pen
I WANT IT TO HAPPEN OKAY AHHH

PEN MADE IT ZEV'S MOM'S HEART ALREADY
yeah girl, speed it up with the fam

Love this, "Penelope, would you like to stay for dinner? I'm making korma. Do you know what that is? It's chicken. Do you eat chicken? I can make vegetable korma if you're a vegetarian..." BECAUSE I COULD TOTALLY HEAR HIS MOM SAYING THIS LINE. MY AUNTIES AND GRANDMAS TALK KINDA LIKE THIS WHEN A FRIEND OR NON RELATIVE GUESS COMES OVER FOR FOOD HAHAHA.

this really isn't the time.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS LINE IDK WHY I LAUGHED the irony

THEY TRAVELED TOGETHER OMG
OMG OMGOMG

zev, you gotta control this dude
don't leave your ma when she's cooking you korma, man get it together

YAS GIRL PET HOTEL IT UPPPPP

i am the only one who wants them to keep traveling together??????
like they're bickering so much and that gets me thinking about all the reasons why they should be together hahaha

man, as you could see, i was hella excited reading this hahahhahaa. great as always

Ooh, so this start off with a wedding! I also love that because it's just a guarantee that something's going to go wrong -- not that I want something to go wrong, but it's always entertaining when the big days turns into something that most don't want to remember in the morning.

I love that his love for her can be seen in your narrative - he doesn't care for their charade to placate their families. All he cares about is being with her and her alone. That's so sweet and lovely and ugh, he's just lovely.

I knew it! One minute there's a wedding, the next he's in a hospital! Clearly this will cause problems. Oh Christ, witnessing his own birth is not something that would be particularly pleasing. I mean, it's common knowledge that your mother gave birth to you, but to witness it?? That's just unnerving.

His confusion when he returns is just brilliant. Like, what the fuck is even happening. But bloody hell, isn't he just in a pickle. I hope he manages to explain to Lily what happened because she's probably feeling absolutely mortified because of him needing a second once she's at the altar - that poor girl!



Wooaaa, so she's from 1626? That's so long ago. That must have been a huge shock for someone from that era.

I'm so curious about how Penelope's life came to be like it is. When did she first discover she could time travel? When did she decide to first visit her parents? That would have been something I'd love to read because they would have undoubtedly been really freaked out, especially with how superstitious everyone was in the past. Them adapting to their adult daughter visiting them while she's still a child is curious, and I feel that I won't get the questions I have answered for a while. Which entices me to read more, y'know? Because I want to know how it all happened so that she could just sporadically appear and have her parents be perfectly fine with it.

I love the ending to this chapter! It's such a modern life and such a stark contrast to what life was like in the 17th Century. That was probably the best way you could have ended that chapter.

I love the contrast between both chapters, how Zev is preparing to marry the girl he loves and suddenly he's watching his own birth to how Penelope is an already discovered time-traveller who has made her own parents accustomed to it. They're two complete opposites which compliment one another beautifully. I assume they're going to meet in the very near chapters - possibly the two already posted? - which I can only but gather will be utterly brilliant.

I definitely agree with everybody below, the layout is amazing. I love the photograph in the layout, it just gives a little taste of the adventure-ish vibe I'm getting from this all! The summary gives away a good amount of information without being too long, which I like. Draws the reader in well.

Zev

Ooh, I wasn't expecting this to start off with a wedding! I agree with Lizz below; you scatter these wonderful little details throughout that help the reader to create the most beautiful picture of the scene in their head. In particular, I loved the line It's actually pounding, I can feel it against my ribcage. It's so simple, but it really hammers home how nervous Zev is about the whole thing. I like that you've got this mix of nerves and excitement the whole way through, though. I think it's probably a very accurate representation of wedding day jitters but never having been married, I don't know. It seems accurate to me, though.

I absolutely love Zev's reaction to seeing his own birth, though. I mean, the fact that he's just travelled from the church to a hospital would be confusing enough, but add in that he's apparently now back in time and whoah, he's got a problem. Especially when he lands himself in it at the very end. Poor Lily! I hoe he explains to her soon and lets her know that he's not actually being a complete douche canoe and leaving her at the altar.

Penelope

I am so digging the serious contrast we get right from the beginning of this chapter. The fact that Penelope knows what she's doing and is totally embracing the hopping back and forth is so interesting to me. I kinda wonder if she was like Zev at the beginning when she found out she was able to time-hop. She's so confident with it and it's really cool to think about her being the same as Zev way back before she embraced it.

I also love the total contrast in the two different time zones here. You don't even over-load us with description, but there's such a difference between her parents and their tiny house to her ordering of Chinese food and watching the television -- it makes her a really relatable character as well, because you've got that sort of pining feeling to be with her parents, but you've also got this totally badass character who's fine with being totally independent.

I'm definitely going to be reading on in this because I, for starters, totally dig the idea of time travel and you're writing it so wonderfully here! I'm excited to see where this goes!

First off, the layout is so amazing, I can't even deal. I really enjoyed the summary as well, it gives a bit of back story to the characters before we even start and I really enjoyed that. I also really like that you’re using first person and switching between the POVs, it’s really cool to see their thoughts on what’s going on.

Chapter 1: Zev
I really love all of the little details this chapter has. Like the little things that you described at the wedding (what they were wearing, etc.) were all placed so well throughout the chapter so it wasn't overwhelming but it added a lot of depth to the story, if that makes sense.

I also really like the sort of "stream of consciousness" feel his thoughts had. I'd be freaking out super hard if I just randomly went back in time and saw my birth, so I appreciated that I also got those same vibes from him.

The chapter flowed super well between his thoughts and what was going on around him and it was really fantastic to read. I’m interested to see if there’s some reason that he ended up going back to the day he was born, or if it was just because he was nervous for his wedding and wanted to like, turn back time or something.

Chapter 2: Penelope
the Donald Trump thing, loved it.

I really like how different Zev and Penelope are. She’s just going for it and completely embracing the fact that she can travel through time and he thinks he’s insane.

I liked that she lives in 2015 but travels back to see her family, especially because she knows they don’t have long to live. I feel her on wanting to bring stuff back to help them, too, that seems like it’d be really hard.

The fact that she’s watching Netflix and eating Chinese food is the best. She’s just fully dove into living in the future and it’s great. Her character development is great so far and I can’t wait to see how her and Zev interact, since they’re clearly so different.

Ahh, I’m excited to keep reading and see what happens next!

Your layout is bright and open, which is something that always catches my eye. I'm not much of a time-travel person, but your summary is certainly interesting. I'm wondering how they'll clash mainly because of the centuries of differences between them. Your inclusion of Hindi words and definitions in the story/summary are great; realistic and informational. (Or at least, Zev's father speaking to his mother in Hindi leads me to think that's the language being used. I apologize if not!) Do you plan to make a mix for this, or can I offer to make one for you? I'm seriously digging this.

Chapter 1: Zev
What I enjoyed most was the details about Indian customs - the clothing, especially, is a good touch. I've seen all of these but have only ever been able to name a sari and I'm sure others will learn from these details as well. It definitely makes a story more realistic, and it adds some diversity to what's available to read here on Mibba.

The chapter flows really well between details and stream of consciousness, making me feel like I'm standing there with Zev as he realizes what's going on. His panicking was nicely realistic - not over the top, but not just an "I'm freaking out" with no detail. The humor in his moment was a good touch to take away from the seriousness that had started to settle in, btw. Love it.

Chapter 2: Penelope
Though this is a time travel story, I'm immediately wondering why she's dressing in such old clothing if she knows what skinny jeans are. "Does she jump time?" I wondered. And sure enough! This is definitely something I wasn't expecting, but it makes the story all the more interesting.

It's blunt, but it also makes me smile, when she mentions she can go back in time to see her dead parents. I think that's a dream most people have after someone dies, and it's lovely that you included it. Makes her more relatable. As does the takeout, the Friends, and the Netflix.

Ending on the note that this is a typical day makes me laugh. Was it sarcastic? Serious? She's so great already, and I can't wait to read more of her.

Chapter 3: Zev
Love that your two characters are basically on opposite ends of things when it comes to their feelings. While Penelope seems to be okay with time travel, Zev thinks he's losing it. Day and night right there, but without being so obviously different from each other. They do appear to be from the same time, so they've got to have some similarities.

When it comes to Zev's mother's dialogue I can practically here the emphasis put on italic words in my head. I love her already. I really like how you've included about Lily not being Indian. I know a few Indian families that, while the children do have non-Indian friends, it seems they have no interest in being romantically involved with non-Indian girls. This is also true of friends of other ethnic groups, and I think it's important to explore the idea of dating both in and out of one's ethnic group. Way to go~ And I love that fashion from 2015 exists in 3000 here. It took me a minute, but it's great that you've subtly included vintage fashion.

Chapter 4: Penelope
Penelope's paranoia got me crying "Is he going to kill me?" is definitely something I wonder when I run into someone more than once. Seriously. I feel repetitive and unhelpful, but this is so well written than all I can do is compliment you and move to the next chapter with excitement.

This chapter was brilliant. I'm sitting here like waiting for something to happen, and then, of course, she spoke to soon and is stuck. I feel bad wondering if the last time she saw her parents is it after she made such a morbidly hopeful remark about being able to see them whenever. I also wonder if Lily or someone who will get back to her has seen Zev's interaction. You've definitely done well to introduce characters and information before things start picking up. Can't wait to read more!

The summary caught attention the first time I saw this. It's different from what I’d normally see from other stories. The layout is beautiful, as to expect from you

Zev

I loved the balance between description and telling! Zev’s thoughts are so simple yet overpowering, in a way. His thoughts and the way he views the world captures the essence of an emotional layer to his personality. He's soft and that makes your character very likeable!

I love that you added in some culture aspects to this chapter. It shows us how well your rounding up Zev, thus making him a more realistic character. Loved Zev’s thoughts. It was written as if he was narrating his life, like in a tv show or something. My favorite thing from this chapter was the hospital scene because I could image this oddly dressed (because he's dressed for a wedding in a hospital haha), confused boy in a hectic environment. Idk his confusion was just interesting for me to read!

I thought you wrote the time travel scene smoothly, without irrelevant details. You wrote it straight to the point, thus making it clear and readable. With that said, I think your writing is an easy read! It’s like you don't even need to try to make your stories flow easily!

Is there a specific reason why his first travel was to his birth? I loved that it was to this day, though. Idk maybe to literally go back to his roots? So many thoughts!

i tried to not sound as repetitive as possible compared to my previous comments lol

Penelope

Omg rereading this chapter is making me so emotional again!!!!!!

She's so precious! I love the familial bond going on in this chapter. I just realized that the aspect of family is introduced in Zev and Pen’s opening chapters……..U GENIUS

Pen’s cruel humor HAHAHAH DONALD. HAHAHAHAHAB she has jokes

“It's probably why the universe made me a time traveler, because it knew that little Penelope Carver was always going to be an explorer.” I caught this line because it's just so precious and I think it obviously reflects on Pen’s personality for the future!

Wait “it's a typical day”
Why didn't I catch this sooner????!
literally, some underlying meaning is in this last line of this chapter
WOWOWOW

I also reread chapters three and four and AHHHH YOU NEED TO UPDATE. I love his mom even more (her jokes ), I went to the year 3000 damn good song, AND PEN IS HAVING ISSUES OMG

You know how much I love this story (my constant, probably annoying comments below ) and your writing! Great job!

WHY IS THERE A PROBLEM?!!! Is it because of Zev omg. is their interaction with each other messing up her control?! I can't wait to learn why they were choosen to have their traveling abilities! I think, from their brief conversation, they click almost perfectly. Ready for all of this to reveal itself

@ dawn of light
I commented on your profile but clearly Mibba still sucks and eats the comments on your profile SO I'll just say it here. THANKS FOR BEING THIS STORY'S #1 BAE AKA COMMENTER. U keep me goin'

I loooooove Zayed!!! He has such a cool name! And his parents are so similar to some parents I know like how they were paranoid of how their community would think of them after Zev's time travel stunt BUT DAMN THE PART WHERE HIS MOM WAS LIKE "no girls other than Indians" is sooooo great in a way because we see how/where Zev grew up from, and part of his parents' personalities

ZEV, I DONT THINK YOURE CRAZY I think you're cute

"No, I was too busy giving birth" OMG SHE HAS JOKES

I love how P's parents are so involved in this time traveling thing! I felt it at home when she mentioned about knowing things that can't be changed ~ made me sad. BUT THAT IS HOW GREAT YOUR WRITING IS making me feel all these emotions with your amazing writing!

I do like Penelope's thoughts and just the way she do things~ very realistic.

I can't wait for the next one!

Wow! I can tell this is going to be amazing.

Time traveler stories can get really complicated and sometimes confusing but I feel like you're doing a great job at it so far. Love this and it's only one chapter in!

Continue this now please. :)

WOWOWOWOW
I think you did the time travel scene perfectly. Not much people could play that off. I really am excited for this. I did especially like how well I could imagine Zev being confused in a hectic hospital (kinda like you're writing something for a Grey's Ananomy episode (am I making sense??) yee you're so good) you know how much I love your writing so no doubt I'm already impressed

Yes please! I love good time traveling stories. With you writing this I know it will be golden.

THIS CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH!