Her Broken Life - Comments

I like where this is going.

Amazing update, I loved it.

I like this!

i really like how you've written this, with the therapy part at the beginning and then the flashback of events afterwards. The concept of the story is great and the characters are strong, even from the beginning.

The only piece of concrit I can give is the use of 'said' and 'asked'... Those words are fine to use, but maybe try exploring with others as well, it can impact the story quite a bit if the reader knows how a conversation sounds.

All in all this is a great story :)

This is really interesting! I'm so curious as to what's gonna happen next. Her life definitely does suck, especially going to prison for life and all. And I like how you're going between past and present (or to therapist, whatever lmao). It's definitely very engaging.

The only thing I have to say is that in the first chapter especially, you do a lot of telling without any showing. Details as to what she was feeling and any other senses you can bring to the table would make the prologue a lot more captivating. I'd like to have seen a lot of vagueness in terms of why she was seeing a therapist and why she was going to prison, since that's what you're going to be writing about for the rest of the story.

But the rest of the story is going well! I like the shortness of the chapters, it keeps me hooked. Great job!

@ insufferable;
I'm actually really excited about this story. Managed to get a chapter out even with a killer headache haha. But his motive will come out soon. He's an undercover cop but she doesn't know that yet. I might go back and forth between present and the past. I have so many ideas.

I'm really curious as to why this guy wants her to do all of his work. Is it because he's a cop? Or is there a different motive? I definitely can't wait until we find out even more about him.

I did notice a few mistakes within the first chapter, but they weren't too big.

oOOH i love this already.

it's always so interesting to see these type of stories from the perspective of the criminal. i love to get inside their heads, maybe find some type of reason for why they've done what they done. maybe they're just all kinds of fucked up, maybe they've got a legit motive. i can't wait to see what we've got for your main character.

“So, you decided to kill innocent people because you were scared?” He asked.

“That’s pretty much it.” I said. WELL JESUS. that's pretty revealing, but i wonder just how much it's actually giving away. there's more to the story, i know, but i can only wonder how much is left. i can't wait to dig deep into this. it's gonna be amazing! i'm already coming up with speculations and theories and it's just the intro.

"The cop pretty much blackmailed me. If I didn’t follow his orders, then it would’ve been me dead." WHAT KIND OF CORRUPT ASS MAN. geez, now i'm waiting for him to get his comeuppance, too. come get him, karma.

this is, like i said, gonna be amazing. i'm waiting on the edge of my seat for more; you've got all the makings of a wonderful story!

I see you used my layout

I loved the prologue and I'm definitely excited to see where you take this!

Love this so far <3