The summary is really, really intriguing. It's actually rather mysterious and definitely draws me into reading the story. You've managed to hook me in with two simple sentences, so a definite kudos from me. Plus loving the aesthetics you have for your characters!
Chapter One
I actually like that this done in present tense, because your writing flows really nicely. I think the first thing overall that I need to say is that your writing reads really well, it's not overly flowery and you vary your sentences a lot so it never becomes choppy or boring. I think your writing style is quite unique, as well. The first paragraph sets the tone and atmosphere straight away.
because they have not been made for emotion. They were made to be useful. Oh no. I hope this turns out to be a lie later on because I demand lesbian robots.
I love, love, love your description of Tis. She's just a walking conundrum: made to seem so caring and beautiful, but really she feels no kind of emotion at all. Your descriptions are really captivating and it's not that their complicated, it's just the way that you handle the words that makes them so compelling.
I'm really curious to know why they need to keep moving and who the others are. It makes me think they might be in danger or in trouble! As long as they do, things will be fine. I'm actually quite worried about the fate of the characters. I like that you've only given us snippets of information or gave bits of information so far. It keeps the reader interested without boring or confusing them!
She moves blinding through the house - I think it should be blindly
They’ve gotten here yesterday. I think they should be they'd, but don't hold me to that, it just read strangely to me
The part before the page divider was just so bittersweet. The hopeless romantic in me hopes that they both do indeed feel love for each other.
Absolutely LOVE the worldbuilding you added here. It's not overwhelming at all, it gives us a lot of insight into the kind of setting that Em and Tis are in. I think the kind of pacing and flow of the story so far has been handled really well, you've given us information in the right places and held it back in others where needed.
she can slots and places where the chips could enter. - I think can should be has
I fell in love with the second half of the first chapter. It was just written so beautifully and I'm captivated by the world they are living in and I am rooting for Em and Tis to find their perfect spot in the world! I like immediately clicked onto the next chapter.
Chapter Two
I really like the way you initially described the setting here. Even through the simple description I can visualise it's emptiness and how it has, well, no life. I also like the little distinctions you've added between humans and androids, about how even their language tends to differ in places because they are different. The contrast is really interesting to read about.
but neither of them pains any mind to it. - I think this should be pays!
I love how they refer to them malfunctioning or being hurt as glitching. It's a really nice touch.
You can really see the love they hold for each other through both the dialogue and the narration. In the dialogue you can see that they care and are concerned for one another, but the narration holds the admiration that Em seems to have for Tis in terms of her beauty, what she does, her purpose. Every time you describe Tis, I find myself captivated by the descriptions, as I've said before!
“Here.” She says - The full stop should be a comma!
The relationship between Em and Tis is so well developed, even if parts of it is rather sad. I just love that Em often relies on Tis for knowledge and how Tis seems very caring and optimistic because she thinks they can feel something. I really, really hope that Tis ends up being right in that they can feel! I can really see that they harbour some kind of love for each other, even if it isn't the standard human kind.
Overall, this was a wonderful piece!
Overall
I really loved what you did with this trope. You have build the world and the characters so well and everything flows so well within your writing. You also handed any pacing and information placing really well. I wish there had been more chapters for this. Other than the mistakes I've pointed out, I definitely didn't find anything else and those were only small mistakes anyway. You've written for a really wonderful piece as an entry, I'll definitely be keeping up with this after the contest has ended!
Chapter One
I actually like that this done in present tense, because your writing flows really nicely. I think the first thing overall that I need to say is that your writing reads really well, it's not overly flowery and you vary your sentences a lot so it never becomes choppy or boring. I think your writing style is quite unique, as well. The first paragraph sets the tone and atmosphere straight away.
because they have not been made for emotion. They were made to be useful. Oh no. I hope this turns out to be a lie later on because I demand lesbian robots.
I love, love, love your description of Tis. She's just a walking conundrum: made to seem so caring and beautiful, but really she feels no kind of emotion at all. Your descriptions are really captivating and it's not that their complicated, it's just the way that you handle the words that makes them so compelling.
I'm really curious to know why they need to keep moving and who the others are. It makes me think they might be in danger or in trouble! As long as they do, things will be fine. I'm actually quite worried about the fate of the characters. I like that you've only given us snippets of information or gave bits of information so far. It keeps the reader interested without boring or confusing them!
She moves blinding through the house - I think it should be blindly
They’ve gotten here yesterday. I think they should be they'd, but don't hold me to that, it just read strangely to me
The part before the page divider was just so bittersweet. The hopeless romantic in me hopes that they both do indeed feel love for each other.
Absolutely LOVE the worldbuilding you added here. It's not overwhelming at all, it gives us a lot of insight into the kind of setting that Em and Tis are in. I think the kind of pacing and flow of the story so far has been handled really well, you've given us information in the right places and held it back in others where needed.
she can slots and places where the chips could enter. - I think can should be has
I fell in love with the second half of the first chapter. It was just written so beautifully and I'm captivated by the world they are living in and I am rooting for Em and Tis to find their perfect spot in the world! I like immediately clicked onto the next chapter.
Chapter Two
I really like the way you initially described the setting here. Even through the simple description I can visualise it's emptiness and how it has, well, no life. I also like the little distinctions you've added between humans and androids, about how even their language tends to differ in places because they are different. The contrast is really interesting to read about.
but neither of them pains any mind to it. - I think this should be pays!
I love how they refer to them malfunctioning or being hurt as glitching. It's a really nice touch.
You can really see the love they hold for each other through both the dialogue and the narration. In the dialogue you can see that they care and are concerned for one another, but the narration holds the admiration that Em seems to have for Tis in terms of her beauty, what she does, her purpose. Every time you describe Tis, I find myself captivated by the descriptions, as I've said before!
“Here.” She says - The full stop should be a comma!
The relationship between Em and Tis is so well developed, even if parts of it is rather sad. I just love that Em often relies on Tis for knowledge and how Tis seems very caring and optimistic because she thinks they can feel something. I really, really hope that Tis ends up being right in that they can feel! I can really see that they harbour some kind of love for each other, even if it isn't the standard human kind.
Overall, this was a wonderful piece!
Overall
I really loved what you did with this trope. You have build the world and the characters so well and everything flows so well within your writing. You also handed any pacing and information placing really well. I wish there had been more chapters for this. Other than the mistakes I've pointed out, I definitely didn't find anything else and those were only small mistakes anyway. You've written for a really wonderful piece as an entry, I'll definitely be keeping up with this after the contest has ended!
I also love the layout!