Alone - Comments

This really touches me, maybe not even for the reason you intended. To me, this rings reminiscent of what it's like to suffer with depression, of the constant longing to call out for some help, a chance to not be consumed in the loneliness that is crippling, but finding that even when you do reach out, when you do try and scream out that you need someone to just look and see, it doesn't quite work and you're left suffering completely alone and unable to be the one to pull yourself out of your mess.

One thing I'd say is that I feel like, with the number of short sentences you used, that it would have flowed better had they been more separated. So the small-ish paragraph you attempted wasn't there and there was only a few words per line, to truly emphasise the impact of each sentence.

But really, other than that, I absolutely love this.

I feel like everybody has been scared of being entirely alone in life, and you've done a wonderful job of capturing that here. There's this sense of trepidation and panic that the narrator embodies that are just so realistic and natural as human beings that add a massive amount to this drabble. The line in particular that hit me was the one about not being able to save oneself -- it's such a true thought. I don't think any person has the means to survive entirely on their own. It's human nature to want somebody else there to point out flaws, to correct things and to just make you feel like a person and I honestly can't imagine not having anybody to turn to. It's a terrifying thought, and one that's captured so well here.

I do agree with losing control. in terms of the sentence structure, particularly the first two sentences. It distracts a little from the story by making the structure a little choppy. Aside from that though, I have no qualms. Nice work!

This was a tragic little story.

I think you did a good job or hitting really realistic emotions in this drabble. It's a common fear for people to be scared of going through life along and to read a story specifically about that sort of makes me uneasy. Of course, most people have someone that cares for them so we don't always end up like this, but it could always happen.

One criticism I have is related to your sentence structure. You have a lot of short sentences strung together, which can make the drabble sort of choppy to read. Since drabbles are so sort, picking out the right sentence lengths and formatting is really important. You want to be able to leave an impact on the reader in the small amount of words you have, and having a choppy flow can sort of hinder that a bit.

Other than that, good job!