I loved the atmosphere you written this in! Rachel and Maria seemed so badass, and the way they bicker a bit in the beginning is great because I could have a sense of their personalities! I liked that small factor you added!
MARIA CHECKING HER REFLECTION LOL yaaass girl
WAIT THAT WAS A SHOCKER. The fact that you wrote about the daughter kicking their father was surprising and I didn't see that coming! Maybe this is the badass in me talking, but I thought that scene meant so much~ they finally have the strength to stand up for themselves and woooah. So much is going through my mind right now!
WAIT WAIT YOOO that's so f up TYLER does this mean something? She doesn't feel any remorse ?????? AND THAT WAS HER FATHER yet her abuser omg so many twists
I believe you were the only one who written something for this contest through a detective's point of view. I love anything like this, really. It's difficult to do so but you did it so perfectly. Everything was balanced. The actions and thoughts weren't choppy or forced. I felt as if I was in the middle of watching a crime show. Like, I was thinking, "YES GO AND FIND THOSE GIRLS," and I was over my seat. I think this could be stretched to a full story
TYLER NEEDS HER OWN STORY
Layout on point. I loved that the banner was those two girls, as I envisioned them to have similar features from the descriptions from your one-shot! I was a bit thrown off by how how light it is compared to the actual idea of your piece but as I finished it, I realized that because of the success, lack of better words, towards it end, as it does end in a light way, even when it has a darker meaning behind it. So many thoughts are still running in my head!
MARIA CHECKING HER REFLECTION LOL yaaass girl
WAIT THAT WAS A SHOCKER. The fact that you wrote about the daughter kicking their father was surprising and I didn't see that coming! Maybe this is the badass in me talking, but I thought that scene meant so much~ they finally have the strength to stand up for themselves and woooah. So much is going through my mind right now!
WAIT WAIT
YOOO
that's so f up
TYLER
does this mean something? She doesn't feel any remorse ?????? AND THAT WAS HER FATHER
yet her abuser omg
so many twists
I believe you were the only one who written something for this contest through a detective's point of view. I love anything like this, really. It's difficult to do so but you did it so perfectly. Everything was balanced. The actions and thoughts weren't choppy or forced. I felt as if I was in the middle of watching a crime show. Like, I was thinking, "YES GO AND FIND THOSE GIRLS," and I was over my seat. I think this could be stretched to a full story
TYLER NEEDS HER OWN STORY
Layout on point. I loved that the banner was those two girls, as I envisioned them to have similar features from the descriptions from your one-shot! I was a bit thrown off by how how light it is compared to the actual idea of your piece but as I finished it, I realized that because of the success, lack of better words, towards it end, as it does end in a light way, even when it has a darker meaning behind it. So many thoughts are still running in my head!
Another great one, Alex! Great job!