April 11th, 2016 at 07:43pm
Fog. I LOVED THE ONE WORDED HOOK. It grabbed me in so quickly....And then he was grabbed by the angel Can I just say how much I envy your description writing skills???! It's so clean and smooth and I just love the way you worded everything. While reading this, I just thought of the possible things the angle could symbolize to him.
HIS WIFE O M G
Loved the ending. You kept the pace and the story's dark atmosphere consistent. Great job!
I liked that you started and ended the story with one word, it really hooked me in at the beginning and then, in a way left questions at the end, but also ended it in a really cool way.
The fact that it was his wife added a whole other layer filled with questions to the story. What happened to her? What did he do? Ahhh, I just want to know. I really appreciated the descriptions you had as well, you picked certain things to describe while you left other things to the imagination which worked well.
The was just a couple things I noticed. The first is that sometimes it felt choppy to read because of the way you structure your sentences. They're all almost the same length and you use a lot of commas, which can make them feel very monotonous. The second is that you tend to repeat the same words a lot (especially angel, in this case), and that can get a little bit monotonous as well.
Overall though, I really liked the direction you went with this. Great job!