June 7th, 2016 at 05:40pm
I love the layout for this. It's so simplistic, but the colours are really vibrant and wonderful. I think it also goes pretty well with the title and overall feel I get for this, so major props there! Also, your summary is short and sweet, but hooks the reader right in. Very good!
Also, not entirely related but I 100% love the way you've titled the chapters. Made me giggle quite a bit in spite of myself.
On Sundays
Honestly, I completely relate with the first chapter of this. I think every kid who's strived to make their parents' lives easier or make them happy can relate. Having that small description of how Ishka believes wholeheartedly that she's doing everything she can is something that I think every adolescent can relate to, so having that as the first thing you see definitely establishes a really good connection between the reader and the story.
Again, you continue that connection with the reader on throguhout the rest of the chapter. You've got this wonderfully realistic way of describing everything that just paints the most wonderful picture in my head, even though you're just talking about the small quirks of a family.
And then that single line of dialogue, oh my gosh. My heart just completely crumbled when I read that because I've been at the receiving end of somebody saying stuff like that behind my back and I know how awful it can be. Your final line is so powerful as well. It completely flips this jovial start to something incredibly dark, and it's incredible that you can do that with just one paragraph and a singular line of dialogue.
On Mondays
This chapter is so incredibly powerful. The description of complete nothingness, and the feeling that you get when you just don't think anything is going to get better is described in such a way that I almost felt like that depressive state was descending upon me as I was reading. Once again, I can relate entirely to everything here and it just made the words all that more powerful and difficult to read through. You've really got a way with words and a way with description because what you're writing is so simplistic, but it's also so strong as a description.
On Tuesdays
The first paragraph (minus the whole meat bit, of course, ha) is a feeling I get all the time. I've never managed to put it into words but that whole paragraph explains it so well. Like, that point where you don't know what you want, but you know you don't want what's in front of you? I relate to that so badly.
I love that you don't only show Iskha's good side, you also show that she has flaws. It makes her a very well-rounded character and shows that she's human, just like we are. Again, it adds this element of realism to her as a character, and to the story overall.
Overall
This is fantastic, really well done. I love the relatable and realistic elements to this story, and I'm basically in love with your description. As I said above, it's so simple but it packs such a punch and I'm envious because I'm pretty sure I'd have to use a lot of words to get that same effect as you get here. I didn't see anything on the concrit front either so I don't really have much else to say. I've been meaning to read this for a while, and I'm 100% glad you chose this as a comment prize because it's hella good and I basically love your writing.
Chapter One
I love how realistic this is. It really portrays the struggle of being a child who needs to live up to something so well. And I love how you delve into Ishka's thoughts and how she thought she was a good girl, but it turns out that perhaps she wasn't. This read will probably hit close to home for some people, but you capture the realism of the situation very well.
The second chapter, along with the quote from her parents, was absolutely heartbreaking. You can just see the heartbreak in Ishka's character as she realises that the things they said were not necessarily jokes - maybe half-truths, but they weren't entirely false. The imagery you use of these thoughts piercing her heart was super impactful, it really grips the reader and portrays the emotion of the character in a way that will be extremely vivid to those who are reading.
The final line in the chapter was gripping, it was literally the perfect way to end the chapter. I really feel for Ishka, I feel incredibly sympathetic towards her character.
Chapter Two
This chapter was written absolutely perfectly. The constant imagery of confinement used when describing ordinary mundane things was fantastic, it really highlighted the problems that Ishka has within her life. I think in your writing overall, description has always been your strong point because you can describe a scene so perfectly that the reader can experience it so well as they read - they can feel Ishka's emotions, they can picture the scene as you describe it in front of them.
And the idea that perhaps these emotions that Ishka feels may not stop for a long time is very, very powerful. It leaves almost this feeling of anxiety and sadness within the reader. There's a little bit of hope in me that thinks that hopefully Ishka will feel better.
Chapter Three
The sense of wanting something but not knowing leaves an unease within the reader. I can sense that something is wrong with Ishka, but we cannot see what so that is why I feel this sense of unease. Though I think in this chapter, you've cleverly demonstrated where the title of the story has come from, since Ishka's actions in this chapter could probably be considered rather bratty - or at least her attitude towards the maid. I think this was an interesting change in Ishka's character - we have seen her vulnerable side, but now we are seeing something akin to confidence? I can't think of the word ahaha.
I think the last line was very impactful again, basically, as always, this was an amazing read!
Overall
I loved this story. It was realistic, raw and gritty. It didn't hold back or sugarcoat the details and the summary you gave us definitely delivered. As per usual, your descriptions were absolutely on point and perfectly set the tone of the story or each individual chapter, building this idea of the character you are setting up to us. I don't actually have any criticisms except for PLZ UPDATE SOON