Between Here and There - Comments

  • the dalliance.

    the dalliance. (305)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    23
    Location:
    United States
    Is it just me or does the title just fit perfectly?

    The set up of the summary is also pretty perfect. In Love I really like the use of before and after to show the growth of 'Sage'. It allows the reader to get to know the main character before the story even begins. Also it doesn't reveal too much of the plot but at the same time, the summary still manages to draw the reader in. Thumb up

    With this first chapter, I like how right out of the gate, the reader knows appearances are one of the most important things to Sage but then a little further down "who make moves based on what other people think, but things had always been this way for me. I guess that's just California." I like how the reader then can infer that Sage thinks appearances are important not because she is vain or self-centered but because she thinks that's just how it is and she has to. (Am I reading into that too much? Facepalm)

    I like how even though you have proclaimed the main character as a "rich kid" she still has relatable qualities that will appeal to readers.

    Honestly, there isn't a single part of this that I'm not digging. So far the story has a nice flow, development and the descriptions are great!

    Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading more!
    March 20th, 2016 at 08:23am
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

    :
    Board Moderator
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    Canada
    I really love this so far!

    I like how you set up the summary, with her "former" self at the beginning and then her "current" self after. It set up how the story was going to go in a really unique way.

    I really appreciate how you were able to write a story about rich high school kids without making it sound cliche or cringy. If that makes sense. Like you used really eloquent language and wonderful descriptions, so everything ties together really nicely. I like the development of the main character already, even though we've only seen a little bit of her so far. It's a really good foundation for the great things that I assume are coming up.

    Great job, I can't wait to read more!
    March 20th, 2016 at 06:31am
  • lost em.

    lost em. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    93
    Location:
    United States
    Repost Oops (Your story is awesome!)
    March 20th, 2016 at 06:04am
  • lost em.

    lost em. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    93
    Location:
    United States
    The first paragraph just makes me so sad. I can't imagine living like that. To live trying to keep up appearances. I know a lot of people worry about that, and I wish I could meet them all and just be that one person they could be themselves in front of.

    But I get keeping to yourself. I do that a lot. Mostly because dealing with others in real life can be exhausting. But it's fun to let loose now and the, with those few you truly care for.

    On to the commenting of the actual story:

    I like the detailing. The descriptions just paint so well and I find that wonderful. It's a wonderful piece, despite how short it is. I hope more is to come, though. I'm not used to real stories, but I find them so intriguing.

    And because I feel like you deserve one Arms
    March 20th, 2016 at 06:02am
  • Chairman Meow

    Chairman Meow (925)

    :
    Bibliophile
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    Malaysia
    I adore how easy you layout is to the eyes.. The color scheme, the font, the size, everything just pulls together nicely.

    I like the before and after situations you put in the summary. Somehow I can relate with the character. On the internet, I used to hide my true nationality and race because majority of the people I know were from the US or UK and I'm from a small country in South East Asia, easily overlooked by other bigger countries. I used to go by the name Annie online because I thought English name would make me blend in easier. Even now, I mostly introduce myself as Lina instead of Amalina just to feel like I belong.

    Just from the summary, I already can tell this will be a great read. The struggle of trying to fit in while being a minority is not easy. Especially when you're a teenager and still trying to find your identity. And in the 'after' part, I'm glad she finally finds herself.

    Your writing is absolutely flawless and amazing! Your description and how you take us into Sage's mind. It's mind blowing and beautifully written. I like how you describe her opinions on her 'friends' and how she's trying to fit in even though she knows it's not really her. Having to pretend to be someone you're not is painful. And you also give off this vibe that she's a very organized person with her planner and everything. She even gets her assignments done ahead of time, which is something I struggle with. lmfao

    There isn't much I can say about this story aside from gushing how amazing it is! The details you put forth are wonderful and you just have your ways with words.

    I'm really looking forward to reading more of this so I'll be subscribing. Cute
    March 20th, 2016 at 05:52am
  • lost em.

    lost em. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    93
    Location:
    United States
    I've never been much for the color white, but I like how your layout pulls together so nicely. And the summary is intriguing.
    February 22nd, 2016 at 12:36am