March 20th, 2016 at 08:23am
I really love this so far!
I like how you set up the summary, with her "former" self at the beginning and then her "current" self after. It set up how the story was going to go in a really unique way.
I really appreciate how you were able to write a story about rich high school kids without making it sound cliche or cringy. If that makes sense. Like you used really eloquent language and wonderful descriptions, so everything ties together really nicely. I like the development of the main character already, even though we've only seen a little bit of her so far. It's a really good foundation for the great things that I assume are coming up.
Great job, I can't wait to read more!
The set up of the summary is also pretty perfect. I really like the use of before and after to show the growth of 'Sage'. It allows the reader to get to know the main character before the story even begins. Also it doesn't reveal too much of the plot but at the same time, the summary still manages to draw the reader in.
With this first chapter, I like how right out of the gate, the reader knows appearances are one of the most important things to Sage but then a little further down "who make moves based on what other people think, but things had always been this way for me. I guess that's just California." I like how the reader then can infer that Sage thinks appearances are important not because she is vain or self-centered but because she thinks that's just how it is and she has to. (Am I reading into that too much? )
I like how even though you have proclaimed the main character as a "rich kid" she still has relatable qualities that will appeal to readers.
Honestly, there isn't a single part of this that I'm not digging. So far the story has a nice flow, development and the descriptions are great!
Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading more!