August 24th, 2017 at 05:15am
Layout / Summary
The layout for this is stunning, the colours are really rich and everything just gels together so well! In terms of summary, there isn't much to go on, so I'd suggest even adding in a little quote or something, just to give the reader something to go on. The fact that the layout is so unusual, though, does act as a hook in.
Content
I feel like this is definitely a beautiful accompaniment to the song itself. You've got little nods to it here and there -- the hoodie, the mix CD with Descendants songs -- but you've also got this entire story blossoming beyond it that really works well with the song itself. You've taken the song and completely interpreted it as your own, and it works really well.
I love the way you use semi-repetition in this to bring everything full-circle and show exactly how much time has passed since Jack saw Evie. The way that you describe the seasons and weather first, following that with the state of their friendship and how they go from seeing one another every day to going to hardly seeing one another is something that I think almost every student ends up going through at some point as well, so it's got this really down-to-earth and realistic feel to it as well. I can definitely feel myself seeing this as something actually happening. And that final piece of dialogue -- the repetition that brings the entire thing 100% full circle and seems to show that everything is okay again. Beautiful. Absolutely stunning as an ending.
Concrit
I only really noticed one thing throughout:
it doesn’t fill the Evie sized shape hole -- I think that shape should be omitted from this sentence as it doesn't make much sense with it in there.
Overall
This was such a lovely piece to read through. I didn't really spot any errors other than the one above, and the whole thing is a really great interpretation of the song. Lovely job!
I felt like I could actually feel how much Evie and him cared for each other, made me get all emotional and stuff.
IIIII… liked this a lot. Like a lot. I mean, that sounds like I’m about to be all “I wasn’t expecting to like this as much as I did” but I was really just putting an emphasis on how much I liked it. In bad wording. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this piece a lot because there’s a lot of emotional depth to the entire thing that could be missed if you’re not paying attention and I love stories like that—the kind where it seems like it’s going to be one thing and ends up being another entirely.
It was a friendship story that went through both the highs and the lows that even long distance friendships can go through, especially if you’ve been attached at the hip for twelve years and now suddenly, you go months and months without seeing each other. I think you did a fantastic job at showcasing how this distance can create a rift between even the best of friends because it’s seemingly inevitable in a lot of circumstances. With Evie and Jack being busy with things that are worlds apart, it created this sad and almost heartbreaking split. I loved how you came back around, though.
I love a good repetition technique, to be honest. I really do. I think if you do it right, it adds a special kind of weight and power to the story because it has the potential to bring everything full circle. And you did that. Extremely well, at that. The repetition of “So, what do we do now?” in different circumstances (like going from graduation to a volleyball game to something as important as the end) added a kind of mirroring thing where I knew this line was going to be important, but I underestimated just how important and how Evie and Jack’s relationship would essentially hinge on this line. It seemed to sum up their friendship at every moment it was said. And as a sucker for a good mix, I loved this little detail and how it held so much sentimental value to them both.
All in all, I just really liked this a lot because it was a friendship story that portrayed something rarely written about. I love that this was a platonic piece because I spent the entire time until the end thinking that Evie and Jack would end up together romantically, so it was fantastic. (Though, not gonna lie, lowkey vibing some maybe-more-than feelings from Jack’s end after the girl thing? Am I being obnoxious and reading too far into it or HAVE I FIGURED YOU OUT, JACK?)
Okay, but no really, this was great and I liked this so much because it was angsty but so cute and sweet, so fantastic job!