Break on Me - Comments

Update!

@ starfire.
This was awesome thank you so much. My grammar is absolutely terrible so thank you for the tips!

I love your layout! The summary is succinct and definitely conveys the torment of the two main characters in the story.

The introduction to Lilah in the first chapter is really great; I can clearly understand the pain she's in watching Luke waste away. I feel a lot of sympathy for her character. I feel like you convey a very realistic portrayal of a broken family and a girl trying to hold on and keep it together for her brother's sake. I hope they can patch up their relationship with Kip eventually.

There are a few grammatical/punctuation errors I noticed here and there. "I scuff at the thoughts and try to put a smile on my face when I see Luke' eyes flutter open." Luke' eyes should be Luke's eyes and I'm not sure but I think scoff is the word you're looking for instead of scuff. Other than that it was just little things with dialogue; after someone finished speaking there should be a comma.

Like where it says, "well considering I'm getting chemo, pretty shitty." He says back humor lacing his voice. After shitty there should be a comma and he should be lower case. But these are super simple errors to correct with a bit of editing. I think you have a great idea here and I'm really hoping everything works out for Lilah, Jax and Luke You invoke emotions really well so awesome job!

@ frank castle.
I just posted a "chapter" that contains some information I'm hoping will help clear up some confusion for you! Thank you for reading, especially because you don't watch the show, that's awesome it still caught your attention! Thank you for the recommendation as well :)

The layout for this is absolutely amazing!! I can't get over how gorgeous the color-scheme is, and I love how the picture matches perfectly with it!

I'm a little confused as I've never watched SOA, but this is still really well-written nonetheless! The beginning made me laugh out loud, and that takes a lot, haha. I love that you can really hear the main character's voice in this. You did an amazing job, love!! Keep up the good work! I will definitely be recommending this!

@ DanniiDisasterr
Thank you so much! I'll keep in mind that some people that read this aren't already familiar with characters or the show! Thank you for letting me know :)

I've never seen SOA, to be completely honest, but I've heard that it's a great show. So to be reading this, I'm a little confused as to who the characters are, but I like it so far! Jax seems like he's a great guy, just trying to protect his family. Lilah seems as if she's just trying to do the same. I can't wait to see where this goes!

You're layout it really nice, too.

I've never seen SOA, to be completely honest, but I've heard that it's a great show. So to be reading this, I'm a little confused as to who the characters are, but I like it so far! Jax seems like he's a great guy, just trying to protect his family. Lilah seems as if she's just trying to do the same. I can't wait to see where this goes!

You're layout it really nice, too.

I adore SOA, and I think you have a good idea going :)
Cannot wait for more!!

@ matthew sanders;
Thank you so much! I love getting feedback.

I really like this, and I can't wait to see more.