December 28th, 2018 at 11:47am
Okay, I paused after Chapter two (Zwei) because it's getting late, but I thought I would give you my thoughts anyway! First of all, this story is super interesting, not just in the plot of having two homosexual men in the midst of world war two, but in the way that it's formed. You made a really interesting choice in deciding to have chapters of nothing but pure dialogue, especially since that sort of thing can sometimes get a little confusing without dialogue markers, but I like it. It feels a bit like rather than seeing a scene unfold between two people, you're almost eavesdropping on them instead, and you keep the conversations clean so that there's no confusion about who's talking. It's a bit of a risk but done really well and it definitely pays off.
There were a couple of things that threw me off in the first chapter, although the detail you put into this is amazing and I love it. The use of the word "newbie" kind of poked at me a bit, I think because this is more historical fiction and I know that isn't the sort of language they would use, but at the same time, it makes it easier for the modern reader to understand, and it's good in that way. It's just a picky detail that's a bit on the fence, I think. The only other thing that stood out to me was how light-hearted Felix and Ruedi were in that chapter, but knowing the sort of stressful situation they've got to be in, it would be a defense-mechanism so there isn't just constantly the sort of situation that you see in the second chapter. Overall, there's just good writing here and good character development insofar as how they're having to adapt to their situation.
Last couple of things I want to say before I leave: I'm actually getting a German minor and love the select use of German phrases in this (and I'm kind of proud that I knew all the phrases and didn't have to look up the meaning of anything). It's a good detail, having a bit of German sparsely mixed up in the writing. Secondly, this reminds me of a short story I read for a class last semester that was really good and I think you might be interested in. It is also about a gay German couple, although if I remember correctly, it took place before WW2. It's called Love and Hydrogen by Jim Shepard, if you'd like to read it.
As usual, your writing is stellar! I love the prologue (auftakt means prologue i'm guessing?) and how it gives enough background. And I love how Ruedi said they weren't choosing certain death, but rather only a possibility. I don't know, I thought that was so... hopeful, but at the same time so morbid and foreboding. I'm rooting for them! RuedixFelix forever!
Their chemistry is so cute in the first chapter. I love how they can be somewhat intimate with each other, but I feel almost a little tense reading it because I'm like, what if someone sees them like this! Part of me wishes in the author's note there were translations for the few words that you sprinkle throughout the chapter, but I suppose that's more of a personal preference. Of course, I do know what "Scheisse" means In the third chapter, I liked how you wrote about Felix being one who apologized to the soldiers he tore down, and Ruedi being the one who puts fallen soldiers back together. And I like how the chapters go from being all dialogue in one to a more detailed chapter the next.
I really liked this story so far! Great writing and happy holidays!