Grounded - Comments

This was such a sad story, wow. I’m actually kinda overwhelmed by the amount of tragedy and sorrow in this one. It’s one thing to lose your wife in a tragic accident, but it’s another to also lose your three year old daughter in a freak accident. I can’t even begin to imagine how that could ever feel for anyone, never mind your narrator.

But on that note, I think you did a really good job expressing the depth of grief and hopelessness that narrator was suffering with in both losses. Although I could never personally imagine it, you showed it to me anyway. I felt the uselessness and the discouragement in not being able to protect the two people he loved the most. I like how you compared this to the corn field, as well; especially in the final line.

My favorite line was honestly the opening one, I buried my three year old daughter, Ariel, in the corn field where I taught her how to fly a kite. because there’s a forlorn, bittersweet feeling to this. It mirrors the tender moments the narrator shared with his daughter, and the contrast between something as soft as kite flying and then something as dark and cold as death highlights the power of both. In that one sentence, I felt the deep darkness that resonated throughout this entire piece because it was like getting punched in the face when you’re not expecting it.

But I also really liked how you wrote about the love the narrator felt for his wife because it also amplified the heartbroken anguish tenfold. I knew, without a doubt, that he loved his wife and losing her broke a piece of him—especially in all that guilt that came with being the driver in the accident. This also transitioned into his admiration for his daughter, which is what made it hurt even more.

I think you did a really fantastic job with this—and I liked your execution of first person! It was really different and more personal than your third person story. This was really well done.

@ little tea-pot;
Thank you so much for the comment and recommendation!

Oh wow! This is so sad and heart-wrenching! Your description is just flawless and I love how everything flows within the story. Heather's death and how it impacted the narrator. And then Ariel's own death. I can only imagine his helplessness, the feeling of utter uselessness he must've faced not being able to protect the two people he loved most in the world.

This story is very beautifully written and its emotions are gripping. I feel my eyes brimming with tears as I reach the end of the piece. You had done a wonderful job writing this. Thank you for sharing such a gorgeous piece of writing with us.