Where Do We Belong? - Comments

Really enjoying this story!

“I entered through the large wooden door, down the cold hallway lined with silver lockers and prying eyes that belonged to whispering girls with razors for tongues who twirled pink gum with the fingers making it mix with their strawberry lip gloss sticky on their lips and shiny under unflattering lights.”

You are so descriptive & detailed. I love it!

my heart buuuuuuuurns for this fanfic aGh it's so great

I fuckin love this story, dude.

Really enjoying this story! I have missed high school fan fictions and especially MCR. Hoping for quick updates :)

Loving this story! I love the Swedish and Norse background!

Loving this story! I love the Swedish and Norse background!

@ Audrey T
THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I have to admit that the guy following Bela was a last minute kind of wtf move on my part also just to put a little more flair that actually doesn't make since into it. I think I added it because I was stuck tbh!

It feels like it's been years since I read a My Chem fic and then suddenly in one day I've read two!

This was a really nice, smooth read. I actually read all of it in one sitting without distraction. It reminded me a lot of fanfiction I used to read when I first joined Mibba, so there was definitely that bit of nostalgia.

I thought Frank's infatuation with Bela (and his friendly persistence) was really cute. Pretty much all of their interactions was really cute. There seemed to be a lot of innocence and earnestness in their relationship which was very endearing.

Although, at first, Frank seemed like almost unreal-ly upbeat, I think that as the story goes on he's growing into more of a fleshed out person. Like as we get to learn more about him, his personality beyond his demeanor is really starting to show - which I really liked. I felt like I was getting to know him right alongside Bela.

Bela obviously has a lot stuff going on - between moving around, absent parents, and her more personality insecurities - and I love that you're taking your time revealing those things about her and how they came to be.

I think the pace of this story is probably my favorite thing about your writing. You're taking your time and it really shows when it comes to character development. I never felt rushed while reading this or like things were moving too slowly, and all of the progression seemed natural.

(Really the only thing that kind of jumped out at me was the guy following Bela. It's possible I missed the build up there, but when he showed up at the party spying on them, that was a bit of a wtf moment for me.)

Anywho, I really enjoyed reading this and I'm subscribed!

I really like this so far!

@ let evol in
Exactly!!

@ fukyoudanhowell
Right??? it's so weird bc I ask other MSI fans on like tumblr and they're like ??? Chantal who? It makes me so mad bc Chatal is to talented and she's sung on stage with Jimmy so many times how do people miss her?

@ kalajmic
Same! And who doesn't know Jimmy's wife?! I mean, Jimmy is Lyn-z's band mate, Lyn-z is Gerard's wife, it just makes sense!

@ fukyoudanhowell
I fucking love Chantal so much! She's so amazing and funny and soooo swweet i love her! I'm glad someone appreciated/knew what I was talking about, I wasn't sure if any MCR fans would know who Chantal is!

I FREAKED OUT WHEN CHANTEL CAME IN OML

@ Join the Masquerade
Thank you so much for pointing out my mistakes! I never can remember to go back and proof read, ugh.

Also thank you for liking my writing despite the mistakes lol but I love yours too, and I'm definitely writing more so be prepared!

Okay!

Frank took my rudeness as wanting to keep talking so he sat down

Naww, bless him :P

This story is really cute so far I really like Bela. Her parents seem a little awful though :/ I imagine her and Frank might become friends, or more, and they'll want to drag her off to a different country again :(

I saw a few little errors in the second chapter I thought I'd point out:

Growing up, she would always travel with us, which I never used to understood.
understood should be understand

I did think it was cool when I was a kid because I didn’t really understand what it all meat,
meat should be meant

I didn’t complain because my parents worked hard to get where they were and they could spend their money as they pleases.
pleases should be pleased

The rest of them satyed in the car, not feeling too active at the moment.
satyed should be stayed

I tried to ignore Frank’s giggle when Bitti called me little sweet and continued on o where her voice came from.
o should be to

But other than those, wonderful! I adore your writing. I find it really easy to read but not overly simplistic. I also like that you must research little things like the native bats of New Jersey to put that in. That's dedication :P

@ caligulasAquarium
Thank you so much for pointing out my mistakes! I use google docs and they never ever correct me properly. I would put more int he description if I knew how to write descriptions and I'll definitely try to describe Bela and take down the link. I just never know when to put it in the story, ya know? I'm never a fan of people addressing the characters' physical appearance off the bat in a story.

Layout & Summary
I love the simplicity of the layout! It doesn't take much away from the story, but is still really pleasing to look at. Plus, that picture of Frank is to die for.
I do wish you would've included more of a summary. I, as the reader, don't know what I'm getting myself into. This could turn readers off from the story if they don't even know what it's about.

One
I love the way you set everything up. A lot of people can relate to moving to a new place and feeling insignificant, so I think you've got something great already!
I do wish you would've described Jezabela rather than simply linking her name. It would've helped set up the mood and everything, if that makes sense. However, I do understand it's a personal preference.

You’ll only see the Monsignor if you choose to attend our SUnday sermons here at the school, most of the students’ families do. -- SUnday should be corrected to Sunday

I remember being in Catholic school as a child at an institution called Saint Paul’s and whenever you misbehaved the nuns were to hit us against either or thighs or knuckles with rulers, resulting in scars that would forever liter my thighs. -- liter should be litter

After I collected the necessary books for the class was was supposed to be in now, S. Cathrine lead me to the science wing seeing I was to be in was Biology. -- I think you meant to say I was instead of was was. Also, you misspelled Catherine's name.

When lunch begun after Theology, I found a slightly secluded area, few other students were there, the rebels I assumed by their piercings cigarettes and untucked shirts. -- begun should be began. When stating a list, you should put commas between the items (ie piercings, cigarettes, and untucked shirts).

“Oh…” Mikey trailed off, shifting awkwardly before turning and walking back to his friends. I was relieved when he did, but dead soon washed over me when I heard his voice again. -- dead should be dread

I like how persistent Frank is. Despite the fact that Jezabela is being really rude, he's still engaging her in conversation.

I do like the ending of the chapter. It really helped set everything up and showed the characterization of everyone really well. I'm excited to see where you go with this. I want to see how Bela and Frank's friendship begins and grows as well as the challenges they will have to face.

The only mistakes I noticed were the ones I already pointed out above. Other than that, this was perfect. I'm definitely subscribing. Great job!