Young and Beautiful - Comments

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Chapter five was hard to get through just because it was kind of repetitive. Katrina kept berrating her about her fear of roller coasters (calling her names, forcing her, etc), she was super terrified both times but ended up laughing, Jack "forced their arms up"?, and somehow they were able to talk on the rollercoaster. I remember being on the raging bull and even when you're going up to the drop, you still have to scream to hear each other.

For me, the hardest part was the fact that she and Jack have no chemistry. I don't feel like there's anything pulling them together. It feels like they're just hanging out because Katrina wants them to. He payed for her ride, tossed water on her, but it still didn't feel romantic. She doesn't notice anything about him (little things) that she thinks are cute and he doesn't pay her more attention, etc. I'm just confused as to where their relationship is going.

And her mom set up a concert for a boy she just met? Why would she do that? Jack isn't her daughter's boyfriend, he's just some boy she just met. I don't know any parent that would blow money on someone they don't know like that.

Comment swap!

Love the simple but beautiful layout and NO I dont feel ashamed to judge a book by its cover. First impressions are just first impressions and they count too!

On to the prologue you have pleasantly suprised me! I love a one sentenced prologue that even with those 6 words get me curious!

Chapter 1; The story starts off with a bang haha. I like the way you write the interactions between the characters, mostly between Layla and Katrina.

Its a very light fun story and something great to read now!

one little side note: what are these --> M&M’s,?

This is such a different story from what I have read from you before, but I do love that you exceed in this kind of genre too. A well rounded author!

First off, I would like to say that this was really interesting from what I read (which is the prologue and first chapter so far, though I think I'm going to keep reading after this because I'm intrigued). With the way you wrote it, you are really put into Layla's mind, and all of the characters have their own interpersonal relationships, which I really liked. Some people don't focus on that enough. I noticed that you said Katrina has white hair and red eyes, and you made it sound as if both were naturally occurring. That's an interesting choice, though a bit out of place, especially considering this isn't a fantasy world (I think) and everyone else has naturally occurring hair and eye colors. I'm not saying this as a bad thing, but it does stand out quite a bit, and I wanted to mention it. It's really interesting.

Anyway, I noticed a couple of typos as well.

Quote

Then she continued to tell me about the tan she needed even though we both knew it wouldn’t happened because of how translucent her skin was.

"Happened" should be "happen".

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I saw a blue anchor tattoo wrap around his left calve.

"Calve" should be "calf".

Even though you did a fantastic job, and I can't wait to get back to reading, I would like to add something. My best friend and I write together a lot, and sometimes we'll write something which we don't like, for various reasons, but more often than not, we've figured out it's because it "tells" instead of "shows". I noticed that in what you wrote, there were a lot of senses that simply said what the characters were doing rather than showing the readers what they are doing. Of course, this isn't any sort of requirement for writing or anything, but it might add another layer of life to your writing if you try to incorporate it.

Anyway, great job! I'm going back to read some more now

This is a very interesting read. I like Layla and her friend and I'm not too sure about the band member Lol. He seems kinda conceited at times and I just get a bad vibe from him. But there are some little things that make me think he's a good guy after all. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. This was a really good story and other than a few typos and such it was flawless. I hope to read more:)

Summary/Layout: The layout isn't too extravagant, it's kind of elegant, and I think it'll fit the story nice from what I've read of the summary. Speaking of the summary I like it. It's short, to the point, and gives promise. I also love Lana Del Rey so...

Prologue: Intriguing.

Chapter 1: So I'm going to be completely honest, it feels rushed. It's set at a very fast pace, and the way you introduce all the characters doesn't really give us a lot of feel for them, except for a few of the characters, like her mom, her brother, her friend, and Jack. You skipped from one scene to the next fairly frequently, and I think that contributed into why I thought it was rushed, you just didn't spend a lot of time on really building on the story, instead just throwing it all on us as if we're at the party.

That's not to say this isn't good, because it definitely has legs to stand on. I think for me though, it's just not enough. Maybe if it was slowed down and stripped back a bit.

I did find it interesting why apparently Karina has red eyes? Does she wear contacts?

Other than that I wish you luck on this endeavor.

Hey! There's a lot here, but despite it's length, it's a very quick introduction. Right off the bat, we're hit with her personality, and the fact that she's not necessarily enjoying very much of her party. To be honest, the motorcycle stuff hits very close to home. I was in a really bad accident a few years back and haven't been back on one since. I grew up on them, but there's really no coming back from an accident like that.

So when she's reacting to the motorcycle, I can feel myself getting worked up and I don't know if that's really a good thing for me. But as for the story, I think that Jack is such a weirdo. His reactions are reserved, yet say a lot about him. And Layla is just frustrating because she decided she doesn't like him and that's it. I wish she were a little more receptive/curious.

Also, "Jack Nichols" just reminds me of Jack Nicholson. lol.