June 11th, 2016 at 10:11pm
Hi!
Unfortunately, this piece was 3 words more than the word limit I set for drabbles (which was exactly 100 or less than that). That doesn’t really matter though, honestly.
I would have loved to see a short description and the long summary to have correct grammar and punctuation. For short stories in Mibba, the short description, story cover, long summary – basically all the little things that makes up a story is crucial. Having each part connected to each other completes this web I like to imagine when I’m reading or writing short pieces or drabbles. It’s filled with details that vaguely connects with the story itself but when you see the connection as whole, it’s a beautiful web that has one center.
I think that the beginning was better than the ending line, though ending lines should have more or equal impact as the beginning. I mean this line is just gorgeous: He said my mind was like a galaxy; beautifully mysterious and filled with unmarked territory.. Now, I’m not saying that the end was bad. It’s just not up to par with how the story started.
I think instead of using a simile in the second to the last line of the first paragraph, you could have gone with a metaphor instead. It adds more effect to it than having it as a simile because you’re only comparing it with a meteor. Why not make the thoughts of him meteors instead? Also, you used a meteor to describe thoughts which is plural. I believe you should match that.
Overall, it’s a great short piece. I love the comparisons to celestial objects but I think there should be more drama. I mean, instead of going “Wow, that’s cute,” I should be going “Damn, that’s amazing.” In line with that, I think the comparisons should go deeper but that’s just preference speaking. Grammar-wise, there’s nothing to worry about. You’re great. Ultimately, I’d love to see deeper connections, comparisons and symbolizations in the story. I really want to interpret the piece in my own way.
) writing and it just creates a breathtaking story even if it's so short. I am in love with everything about this. 
Chapter One
The opening sentence was so lovely. I think that your writing has this very warm and romantic vibe naturally and it really, really shows in that first sentence. The way you tie in the space imagery and the romantic implication was absolutely lovely. I actually really, really liked how you tied them in. Like they were never meant to be separated in the first place.
He would never guess that his touch left bits of stardust scattered across my skin. - This line was so beautiful. I just can't even with your writing, it's like reading poetry. It evokes feelings the same way that poetry should. You've handled this so perfectly (so I'm not surprised you placed in the contest at all!). And the final line, I thought, was a really great way to close it. The whole drabble just tied in so perfectly together and there was not a single part that didn't flow well.
Great piece!
Overall
I think I've articulated most of my feelings above, but still. I loved the space and romance imagery linked together, connected in every single sentence in such a way that was perfect. It was vivid imagery, it was imagery that really evoked emotions and basically you are like some drabble queen, Lizz. I have no criticisms because I loved this small drabble to pieces. Excellent!