April 29th, 2016 at 03:30pm
So I'm rather intrigued by this story already. Vampires are my favorite out of all those supernatural beings. That and your layout just strikes me. But now on to the point:
I liked how you opened up the introduction to the story by immediately just pointing an observation out like that. This is a bit of constructive criticism but it seems weird to be that the character is cooing this.
I wish you had described Elizabeth a bit so we knew why Natalia believes her to be the least attractive. Personally I think we all see beauty differently so it'd be interesting to see her thoughts on the matter.
It's a bit much to introduce so many different characters at once but I think you did it rather well. I definitely liked how you used details to describe Victoria, it leads to me to believe that she's one of your favorites.
Your descriptions about the settings are nice too.
I wasn't expecting them not to know he was a vampire! That was a bit of a turn for me. It made it that much more interesting though.
As it is though I'm not really like Lucius right now. I think because there is the obvious age difference, but the fact that he's calling her child just... no.
I did notice that you described what everyone looked like but Victoria. Unless I missed that. You even described their dinner!
I'm excited to see where this goes though. I think this is a great introduction of what's to come and it has a lot of potential. I wish you loads of luck with it and just want to let you know I'm subscribing.
Thank you! Your feed back actually means a lot to me. This story is a bit out of my comfort zone as I typically write about silly teen romances, but I've had this idea for awhile now and decided to take the plunge! I've been revising the first chapter (not too much) and will be updating shortly. I'm taking a little getaway this weekend and expect to be writing a ton. Thanks again for the awesome feedback!