Missed Connections - Comments

  • dawn of light

    dawn of light (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    I liked your simple layout and the single line in the summary. Nice brain picker!

    As for the content, I thought it was very light-hearted. You wrote this in a way that was touching and personal (for some people (i.e. me)) and I liked that a lot about this entry.

    There was a lot of things I adored about your entry. First has to be the way you first described the guy at the bus stop. This line especially stood out to me, A deep, dark blue that I could have fallen into and never climbed out of. It was beautiful and breathtaking. Everything you wrote was simple and straight to the point. Second reason would be that you wrote your entry in a second person’s point of view. I thought it was more powerful to get the emotions across with second person. Third reason would be how you ended the story; the ending was so sad. Second guessing is always something I adore because it’s powerful. I liked that you ended it with a question because everything the narrator has ever felt is composed into that simple line. Lovely entry!
    July 21st, 2016 at 03:34am
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

    :
    Board Moderator
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    Canada
    This kind of made me sad to read. WHAT IF THEY WERE MEANT TO BE AND JUST DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER?

    I liked that you went the more tragic route for this, as opposed to something super fluffy. I'm all about the fluff but I think the tragedy of it really matched with the whole military situation you had going on. I liked the 2nd person you had going on as well. I've been writing it more lately and I really enjoy reading it. Not a lot of people write in 2nd person so it's always really interesting.

    I liked how you ended the story with a question. It left me with a lot of questions and I really wanted to read a squeal where he doesn't get on the bus and is like LET'S GET MARRIED but I think it worked super well with the vibe you had going with the story.

    Nice job, as always!
    June 16th, 2016 at 02:09am