August 6th, 2016 at 07:36pm
Layout / Summary
The layout has some really nice colours gelling together, and I like the image you used for the banner. Your summary gives us a lovely background to the story itself, but it also leaves enough to the imagination to let the reader get themselves hooked into the story.
Content
That first line is so hard-hitting. Instantly, I have a million different things going on in my head and when I read on, I'm instantly so sad for them. I can imagine that something like that would definitely have a profound way on how a family would operate, and then you have Paul keeping both of them in the building and not letting them leave, pretty much. It's really interesting to see how negatively that affects both of the twins, both within their personalities and at school. Tobias seems to grow into a person who is very needy, and Isobel seems to want to push away from everything and... I don't know, almost run away from her problems in a way. It's interesting to see how that pushes them apart, and how it tears the family apart when that was probably Paul's last wish for his family. In a way, trying to keep everything together helped it to fall apart and I think that's a horrible, yet interesting thing to bring across in a piece of writing.
I like that they made up in the end, though -- I feel like siblings will always have that way of finding their way back to one another, especially if they both feel like life is incomplete without the other.
Concrit
I didn't notice much throughout!
Overall
This was a nicely-developed story. I was a little confused at first because I did think it was going to turn into a story containing incest, which I had stated I wasn't happy with reading in the rules of the contest, but it turned out that I was kind of falling into being one of the nasty people that drive them apart, in a way. This was heart-warming, and a really interesting tale to read.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.