I Dream - Comments

I think the simplicity of the layout is really beautiful. The fact that the summary page is very minimalist really adds to the story. In fact, even your writing for this piece comes across as minimalist.

You use words like "opulence" which elevates the language and really adds to the imagery of the chapter. One thing that caught my attention though is that the first sentence spans five lines all on its own. While it looks technically correct, it does take a bit of focus to really follow it. I would at least consider splitting it. It'll read just as well, but be easier to grasp the abstract concept.

I love the title image, it's so beautiful I also really like the summary, because whilst there isn't much to go off, it is rather straight to the point about what the story could be about. I'm interested to read on and see how you incorporate it into your chapter.

Chapter One

Woah.

The imagery you have used throughout this short chapter is absolutely gorgeous. The way you describe things sounds so beautiful and I can imagine the scene so vividly in my head as I am reading. The first half of the chapter was written gorgeously, you just have this wonderful way with words where you can just place a scene in a reader's head and use the right words to make it perfect. Kimi, your writing is literal goals. I also love that the colours you described in the chapter were similar to the chapter heading, it's just satisfying

The contrast between the first half of the chapter and the second half of the chapter was absolutely fantastic. You really did show the distinction between dreams and reality so well, I just love how the descriptions in the second half are the complete opposite to the first half. I think there is also something rather sad in the writing on the second half, as you capture the gritty reality the character lives in, contrasting it with the dreams she has and longs for. I think you executed this short piece absolutely brilliantly. Even the ending 'like the gourmet dish it was' is brilliant because you bring back the rich imagery, despite it contrasting everything else around it.

A beautiful piece~

Overall:

In the short amount of words you decided to use, you executed this absolutely perfectly. The contrast between the lush dream and the gritty reality was handled just right, and I think even the transition through your narration was incredibly smooth, despite the harsh opposite contrast between the dream and reality. Your imagery is perfect, it paints a vivid picture in the reader's mind whether positive or negative. Basically, I absolutely love this piece, as I have always loved your writing.