August 23rd, 2016 at 09:19am
So the descriptions in here are awesome! You do a great job of setting the scene and adding an air of mystery throughout the story. And that ending! I was totally not expecting that! I think you did your aesthetic justice with this piece, and you are definitely a great storyteller! Kudos on the dialogue too.
The only other thing I want to add is that some of your sentences could use some comma's. Just one example: In the first sentence, there should be a comma after "In a tavern..." There were a couple other places that could use comma's and once sentence that would probably be better off as two.
Otherwise, this was a great piece of writing and I'm glad I read it!
Also, I just have to include this, but when I read about the Kraken, I could not help myself from thinking about,
"release the Kraken!"
I know it's cheesy, but I just absolutely love that line!