July 24th, 2016 at 01:58pm
When I saw the title on my Mibba page I was so excited because twenty one pilots is one of my favorite bands. It's tied for first with FIR. Anyway, I definitely thought this was going to be a fanfiction since the title and entire summary are just the song, but it makes sense since it's for a contest!
The summary is pretty, but it does look a bit busy with all the different fonts and the fancy divider. But it honestly all works together nicely.
I really like the literal turn you took with this. While there's no action and it's pretty much just one conversation, we learn a lot about the characters. We can see the past and the future based on their bloodlines and his thoughts.
One thing I was wondering is why his father wasn't with his mother when they turned to stone. If they all knew what was going to happen, why weren't they prepared?
Sidenote: When Ladrellye is talking about their children taking the thrown, "children" is misspelled the second time.
There was a lot of detail in this and you nicely set it up to become something bigger if that's what you want. I'd love to read more about the House of Gold and the royalty and all that. I love that kind of stuff. :)
Layout / Summary
The layout is simple and radable -- the only issue I have with it is that the title colour doesn't seem to gel in too well with the rest of the layout. Not a massive issue, though. Use of the lyrics (obviously) works well with the title, and I'm interested to see where you'll take it!
Content
I like how literally this seems to follow the lyrics -- you've got this mention of the golden throne and this house of gold, which I think is a wonderful way of bringing the title into the story. When I started reading, I was expecting the mother to tell Ereth to shoot for the stars and go for the throne, but when she showed that forgiveness for her sister and all of the wrong that she has done throughout their lives, it was a real surprise. I think that says a lot about Ladrellye's character, that she can forgive her sister because of their blood tie, even if she is in part responsible for her Ladrellye's turning to stone.
I also think it's interesting that in such a short space of time, we see this stark difference between mother and son. Ladrellye seems to be this soft, gentle character who cares about family bonds and lets love control her actions, whereas Ereth -- particularly in the last paragraph -- seems to be all about revenge and avenging his parents. I definitely would like to see that played out in a further story where his character could be fleshed out more.
Concrit
The following sentence is a little stunted to me when I read through it:
No, she is self-righteous and the power of the crown has gone to her head. Deluded her.
I think it could be the period after 'her head'. I don't know if it'd work any better as a comma, but it stunts the natural flow of the sentence and did pull me out of the story a little bit.
Overall
This is a really interesting take on the song! I wasn't expecting something with as much backstory and detail, so kudos for that. I do feel like Ereth perhaps needs more space to flesh out as a character, but aside from that, lovely job!