June 11th, 2016 at 09:43pm
The first chapter is a little awkward in some places, but I can definitely see what you're going for. Just the use of repeating the fact that she wants to go home and cuddle with her dog is a little strange. I think it could be because that's past tense (the use of was, i.e. "today was Friday"). Then it jumps tenses a couple more times and then settles on present for awhile "time will fly by, hopefully."
It's definitely all the tense issues in the first chapter that are throwing me off. Every couple of lines, it oddly switches so it doesn't flow as well as it should. I think if you edit it into one tense throughout, it'll be a much more enjoyable read.
So chapter three is super confusing because they’re suddenly together? What happened to the meet cute? The reunion? How did they meet back up? I really wish there was more there, but I think it just jumps too soon. The best part of a new relationship is the beginning then the characters are teetering around each other, trying to get to know each other without giving away too much of how they feel. I think it really detracts from the story that you completely skipped that.
And then chapter four is just more confusing. I didn’t come into this story because it was Bucky Barnes. I don’t know all that much about him, I just saw it as a romance, but I can’t read continue reading because there isn’t enough explanation of everything. It jumps too much to be read like an original. I would love to see more clarity and build up.
Thank you, I'll deff go back and edit. :) I may even redo, I think the last story I wrote just threw off my skills a bit. I was deff trying to go for romance. And kind of a feel like my other story "thank you". I don't know what's going on with me. Lol maybe the stress I'm going through. But thank you, totally appreciate it. C.C really helps. :)