August 29th, 2016 at 09:36pm
This was so, so cute, I might die. I love how you did this concept, I really do. I love the names you picked to modernize Aphrodite and Nyx (because let's be real here, using those names nowadays would be really strange), I love the relationship between the girls, and I love the vibe you set with the rooftop and the constellations and the music. It was so soft and sensual, but cute and romantic all the same. And the girls! Ahh. I love how Lila didn't (or did, depending on how you look at it) answer actually; like telling Amora "I love you" was everything. The way you wrote this was beautifully realistic; the interactions between the two, the emotions, the setting. It all flowed so naturally throughout the entire thing and settled wonderfully there. It was truly beautiful.
A couple of things stood out to me, though. Technicality wise, not actual content.
“Does it ever make you feel small?” she questioned, her eyes turning upwards to catch Lila’s “when you think of how big the universe it?” — Between Lila's and the quotation mark, I think there should be a period and the 'when' should be capitalized. Or you can try writing it like action in the middle of the question, so something like “Does it ever make you feel small”—she questioned, her eyes turning upwards to catch Lila’s—“when you think of how big the universe it?” Something-something like that. Maybe not that exactly since it's not my story. I just think the lack of any punctuation makes it look off, you know?
...as she sighed lightly, “to the moon and back.” — And I believe 'to' should be capitalized.
But that's it!
This entire thing was just so precious and cute. I really loved your interpretation of this concept because it was just so adorably romantic and just all around good vibes!
I love how simple, yet poignant this is. It just seems like any other night for a couple, with the stargazing and the being on the roof and all of the other wonderfully romantic things that would probably make me vomit if they ever happened to me. Then I realised that there's this beautiful link between the gods you chose for the contest and the stars, and it's instantly got so much more meaning to it, even with that simple little connection. It's almost as if they are both part of the stars themselves, then you've got the whole tracing the freckles versus tracing the stars thing and yeah, that's amazing. The whole star metaphor is just incredible, and I love how simply you weave it in. This is so short, but it packs such a punch. Absolutely beautiful, really.