To Catch a Firefly - Comments

Wow, I'm emotional after reading this.

I'm here as a judge for the Magazine contest

I love that you chose to focus on fireflies with your entry. Even though I've never seen them, I feel like it's a very summery thing to write about, and I love how you were able to link fireflies with the feeling of freedom for Maria. It was a very unique take, in my opinion, and I really liked that. I think the bit of nostalgia that the story includes fits with the summer theme as well. Maybe it's just me, but as I get older I always find myself nostalgic for past summers so I liked that you includes that little bit there.

I also agree with the suggestions Mr. Darcy has, so I won't repeat those, but I also feel like a bit more description and elongating some sentences will help make your story even more captivating. You do have parts that are lovely and descriptive, but then there are other parts that feel like they could have a bit more added to them.

Overall though, I think you did a lovely job!

I'm here commenting as a judge for the Magazine contest!

Layout / Summary

The layout is simplistic and incorporates that summery gold colour, so it does the job there. The only suggestion I have is to move the content down a little, as the words mesh with the decorative image at the top and makes it a little difficult to read the first few words! Your summary is simple, yet descriptive and leaves the reader curious as to what's going to happen.

Content

I, personally, love fireflies -- I think they're so mesmerising, and they definitely remind me of summer nights, so I'm very excited to see that incorporated. I've instantly got this link to my own views of summer even just going into the story itself, which pulls me further into the tale itself. I definitely agree with the comment below as well -- fireflies and summer in general almost represent this idea of freedom for Maria, and it's interesting to see that link come across with how she acts around her mother and how she acts around Arthur. It's almost like this tale of push and shove, where summer pushes her out into the open and gives her this sense of invincibility, which Arthur also brings across with him.

I love the sense of nostalgia this brings as well. Maria's got this view of the fireflies and it reminds her of Arthur, and even after a period of time passes, she's still got that love for him and for the summer memories they share. Wonderful.

Concrit

I only have the same suggestions as Mr. Darcy, so I won't repeat those!

Overall

This was sweet and bitter and nostalgic and lovely all at the same time. There were a few instances where you could do with a little more description and the errors mentioned below do take away from the story a little bit, but aside from that, this was really good. Nice job!

Hey, here as a judge for the Mag contest!

I like the feel of this. I don't know whether this was intentional but as I was reading this I got the feeling that summer represents freedom, in a way. It's the one time Maria's able to escape her house - even if just for a while - and pretend that she's not confined by what her mother restricts her with. Then when she met Arthur is just intensifies how summer is her time of freedom, even though it then bubbles into something slightly more than it.

It's sort of bittersweet that she ended up dying before they could be together but then she waited for all those years for him to come back to her - to come back to the place they first met, to the fireflies that brought them together. I loved the end. It really brought it together.

I noticed one thing: "Whatever it was summer was the one thing that she looked forward too every year." - this is supposed to be to

Also you tend to capitalise the speech tag when it shouldn't be. "Like what?" He had asked should have the 'he' not capitalised because there's not been a full stop with the dialogue.

This was a really cute piece and the ending was just right. There were a few missing commas here and there which could be fixed with a once-over, but other than that, it was a great read!

Sorry for taking so long with my comment!