Midnight Anarchy - Comments

I enjoy this story. So far it's unusual compared to most stories about wolves.

I'm interested in the vampire, he seems to be described in way that makes the narrator feel angry, scared and filled with hate but the dialogue speaks otherwise. The part where she sees the pure lust in his eyes is also questionable. It made me wonder if it was blood lust or sexual lust, as both can be equally nerving.

I'm hoping for more description of the child, as she seems to bring an innocent relief to the story which is always good in my personal opinion.

Anyways, I'm excited for the rest of the story. I'd like to see how things unfold and how you incorporate vampires into the plot.

I like the worldbuilding the most, and how you drop little hints about the wolves and how everything works with them.

You already know about the spacing probably, so I won't hark on that. I generally don't like prologues, but this one did what prologues are supposed to do--set up the plot or offer an intro--so I'm not complaining about that. There's a lot of mystery to it, and a lot of that hint-dropping, too. The same goes for Alone. Both could be expanded, though. What was the transformation like? How did it hurt? What is the environment really like if it offers enough cover for a werewolf to transform?

Also, a lot of these sentences could be broken up, such as: The world around me no longer existed as I launched myself off the cliff, it felt like for a moment I was flying, until I crashed into the water below. I'm not saying that you should never use comma splices, but definitely don't overuse them. You could split it up by just changing it to The world around me no longer existed as I launched myself off the cliff. It felt like for a moment I was flying, until I crashed into the water below. or The world around me no longer existed as I launched myself off the cliff; it felt like for a moment I was flying, until I crashed into the water below.

Chapter three could've also been drawn out more, too. More worldbuilding or description of how your protagonist is feeling, maybe. Like: I couldn’t exactly pin-point what she was, if she was Vampire or Wolf. Why do Vampires and Wolves smell similar? Do supernatural creatures just have a different smell from humans? Why do they hate eachother?

Anyway, keep it up. Maybe more chapters will reveal the answers to the latter questions, but I would highly recommend adding some exposition to put us (the audience) on edge, to make us feel what your narrator is feeling. Don't stop.

Prologue

It was a very intriguing read, it drew me into the conflict. Why did the wolf kill it's mate? Who is the wolf? It's very interesting and I'm going to read on. One critique I have though is that, when I read something like this, I want to feel the anxiety. I want it to come off the page. You can do this by avoiding long sentences and long thoughts; you want to jumble everything up in a time like this to convey that the narrator is anxious and confused and is trying to think fast. Actually, I wanted to expound upon what I said in the previous comment about letting the anxiety come off the page and making me feel it. I didn't iterate myself right and I was wrong--when trying to convey anxiety in a piece of writing you want long, run on sentences and little to no punctuation. Even if its not grammatically correct, a fun fact is that we can take creative liberties with prose.

Alone
First things first: the paragraphs of this chapter are not properly spaced out. According to Mibba's rules, you must leave one empty line between paragraphs.

But, onto the important stuff. Again, I must iterate the same point earlier about the anxiety and confusion. But also It felt like ten or fifteen minutes doesn't sound as impactful as I crawled and I crawled for what felt like hours, maybe more does, you know?

I also really wish this chapter specifically wasn't as rushed; what does the park look like, now that the wolf has a moment to calm down and examine its surroundings and think? What does the transformation feel like other than "unbearable"?

But I do like the concept of Werewolves staying in their wolf form; it's very different opposed to "Oh, I'm a werewolf who lives amongst society as a human and I only occasionally go wolf." Very interesting.

Strangers

I hate to be mean, but I didn't really like this chapter? I mean, I like how we met another character now—a vampire, who seems to be on our protagonists' side. But there was something about the way it was written; it just doesn't flow, you know what I mean? I have this problem a lot when I'm writing but I'm struggling. My sentences don't come together as much as I'd like, and the paragraph as a whole just seems choppy, if that makes sense. If you could make the sentences come together more (not literally, but in a way they sound good together), then I think this could really be one poetic piece of prose.

Yeah it is an interesting idea...the creepy vampire is a little too stereotypical with the blood lust ( but you did ask...but its too late now). Gives me the creeps!

I'm really curious as to what happened with her mate though...is that a long time coming?

this is a very interesting storyline. i also love the cover for the story as well as the layout frankly bc it's so simple & the fact that it's two diff wolves. opposite in appearance & what not. the summary is just as captivating bc it takes the most climactic part of this plot & throws it into one simple sentence.

the prologue is a wonderful start. you can feel the thrill of the whole chase as brooklyn is trying to outrun the rest of her fallen mate's pack.

now idk if this is solely based off a wolf pack or if these characters are werewolves, but i only feel unsure bc you've referred to the pack as people early on in the chapter. regardless of such, this was a wonderful start to the story & i loved every second of it!