Stellaris - Comments

@ slumflower
Thank you so much for the feedback. I really loved writing this story and I wasn't too sure how people would react to the ending. Can't wait to start writing Normandy 1. It'll definitely be a great sequel

Woah, this was so good! Definitely well-written and had me at the edge of my seat (well, I'm laying down so the edge of my bed) in anticipation! Glad to see that she made it out alive for sure, and curious to see where this is going

@ Gadget T
Thank you so much for the feedback. I'm so happy people are liking this story. I feel connected to it and I hope to see more comments and things in the future. When Hannah asks if she's a monster, she's basically asking that because she just killed Jones with a flamethrower. I have left things confusing in hopes other people would continue to read, but yes everything will become clear soon. As far as the hibernation pods, awaking at different times...I can't tell you.

Chapter 1

Woooooh, boy. That started with a bang. I loved it. I thought it was great how the movie story started with action. Being thrown into the story so quickly was thrilling (and exhilarating). I think this kind of opening works really well with a horror story.

Chapter 2

In the second chapter, Mason Jones' message was a shocker. I liked that he was so blunt - probably because he realized how fucked everything was. All the things he revealed in the message made me wonder what on Earth (or what in space) the people who sent them out there were thinking? How could you send someone into freakin' space on a lie?! how could Mason, as a captain, lead a crew into space and lie to them? I feel like trust is a HUGE part of space travel and I'm so offended on the crew's behalf. I haven't even met Mason, but he's dead and I'm glad.

(Also, I'm really interested in finding out why it was planned for everyone to wake up at different times. Was this part of the deception or is there some big scientific-y reason for this?)

Oh my god! You killed Jonas already!? (And I was wondering why the alien would be alone. I figured if that one particular alien was interested in getting on the ship, then his alien crew would probably be too.)

For some reason, as I'm reading this, I'm getting a Jurassic Park vibe. There's those scenes in the original movies where those tiny t-rex type dinos (raptors?) are terrorizing the kids in the lab - that's what this felt like.

Chapter 3

The image I get of Mason Jones at the start of the third chapter, is that of a man who's probably a lunatic. He cuts the rope as he runs by... - I don't know why, but I nearly chocked on my water when I read that line. I can just imagine him whizzing by, wild-eyed, like a deranged kid with a pair of scissors. And the fact that he cuts her down silently and then keeps running...WTF is wrong with him.

So Jones is a lunatic. He is almost literally a Jurassic Park scientist lunatic. His plan is like Mad Scientist 101. Hannah should have bopped him over the head.

I was confused by the end of chapter 3. The part after Am I a monster. Is that a flashback? Was the whole thing a dream? I couldn't really understand what was happening there.

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This is a phenomenal story. I'm subscribing. There's so much action in this and I love it. Even though it's confusing in some parts (I'm hoping as the story goes, some of the more blurry bits will get cleared up), I really like the plot. In some ways, it's a typical alien/space-adventure fic, but there's still a lot about this that makes it unique (for example, the fact that there isn't a ton of loyalty between the crew-members, and the fact that Hannah is so right-off-the-bat ready to slay). I'm really interested in seeing how this plays out.

Chapter one: I would have liked a longer buildup of Hannah waking up because she had been asleep for two years and I would have thought that it would have taken her a lot longer to get her body awake and able to muster up energy to pull the feeding tube out of her mouth and the crew suit on.

Chapter two: I think the moments where Hannah is talking to herself mentally, the sentence(s) should be put in italics, indicating that she's talking to herself or thinking. An example is ...and wait...the Stellaris has a drop ship? but I think the and should be turned into but because it's new information to Hannah and it's surprising to her, no?

Other than those things, I think this is a good start to the story. I'm interested to see what happens.

@ pocahontas.
I actually haven't heard of The Hundred, I just looked it up and I had no idea that my story was slightly similar. It wasn't supposed to be glamorous starting out, she's waking up from sleeping for years, so I wanted to show the effects of that. I was thinking of this being a prequel of my other alien story but I want this to stand on its own. As far as Mason goes, you'll have to read on! Also, I guess Hannah can just feel a war coming between her and the Alien, but I see what you're talking about. I'm planning on giving her an interesting back story, maybe for Jonas too. Thank you so much for your feedback, I was scared no one would like it. Chapter being posted tonight so look out!

The first thing that crossed my mind when I clicked this was Polaris from The Hundred haha I'm excited already! I love how the layout is so obviously about space when combined with the summary. The fact that this is set up as crew logs so far is also exciting~

CREW LOG ONE: After reading that there's a character named Monty, I actually went back to check if this was fanfic or an original This definitely didn't have a glamorous start, and maybe that's your intention. I just don't know how attention-grabbing puke is haha It definitely sounds like your main character has gone through something terrible, and that she's about to go through more. Very intriguing, too, because of the alien. Black blood is so played out so that slight detail change is really refreshing.

There is one thing I'd work on though, which is "psychic moments" with characters - the whole chapter she didn't seem to have any idea what was going on but at the end suddenly knows there's a war coming? Your character didn't come off as clairvoyant so something may need a little work if that's actually what you intended. Other than that minor detail, the chapter was pretty amazing for starting out this story

CREW LOG TWO: OKAY WAIT A MINUTE. Who is this Mason guy? I'm so tired my eyes won't stay open but I'll be back tomorrow to edit this with what I think. Subscribed~