Amber Alert - Comments

Gone Girl
I like the way you opened this story with such an ominous chapter. I'm really wondering more about Nicole and this Scott person. Who is he? Why is he like this? And so many more questions that I can't wait to explore as I continue!

Two
It seems Nicole kind of contradicted herself by bringing everything up to the reporters. Doing that could've hindered the search because people could've thought she had just gone off like a rebel because no one really knew, you know?

I was a bit confused when she suddenly went from talking to the reporters to a detective.

I'm wondering what the 'truth' is. It sucks that he wrapped up another girl into it, and I'm wondering if she'll end up missing too, or if Scott will kill her as well.

You're doing a great job with this and raising a lot of good questions.

I am loving this!!!

Baeeee, I love this even more the second time around. First off, I have to just say your writing has improved so much! Not that it was bad, but I can just see how hard you've worked and it's getting better and better.

I love this first chapter because it serves as such a great intro just showing where all the characters are and how they feel about Phoebe's disappearance. I'm curious as to why Scott feels he had to kill her. I'm also curious about where she is/how they'll find out she's dead/etc. Also Nicole too?! You really have a knack for cliffhangers, can't wait for more!

Baeeee, I love this even more the second time around. First off, I have to just say your writing has improved so much! Not that it was bad, but I can just see how hard you've worked and it's getting better and better.

I love this first chapter because it serves as such a great intro just showing where all the characters are and how they feel about Phoebe's disappearance. I'm curious as to why Scott feels he had to kill her. I'm also curious about where she is/how they'll find out she's dead/etc. Also Nicole too?! You really have a knack for cliffhangers, can't wait for more!

The summary really pulled me in.
Little did they know, Phoebe was already dead.

After I read that last sentence in the summary I had to have more! The first chapter was a really good intro to the story. It gave you a good idea on Phoebe's personality. It gave me a goodi dea on her family life, and her sister too. I'm so hooked to this story. I can't wait to see where you take it.

I just found this and whoa! This is absolutely amazing. The summary along had me sitting here, holding my chest in suspense. Please, update this story and continue it because I am loving it!!

I know I already commented, but I did say I would check out your story. Haha! Well anyway, I'm still extremely excited to read this. Scott's my favorite and his life is just so intriguing like his parent's passed away so close together and he already had a party problem before but like now he's kind of off. I imagine him killing all of the Kardashian clan and standing on top of a pile of their bodies crying. That's actually pretty morbid now that I think about it since they have kids but you know, I could see it.

@ zuccarello.
It's going to be an interesting story. I actually have the second chapter typed up. but it won't be put up just yet. I'm glad your enjoying it though! Scott will be an interesting subject to write about. You'll know more about Phoebe in the third chapter or so. I have to work it out just write. right.

@ disgust
First of all, I love this layout.
Second, I am so excited for this story. There's already so much build-up and it's only one chapter in. What happened to Phoebe?
I'm so intrigued by Scott because so far he seems like a social person...I'm feeling he is the killer...how could he?!

@ disgust
First of all, I love this layout.
Second, I am so excited for this story. There's already so much build-up and it's only one chapter in. What happened to Phoebe?
I'm so intrigued by Scott because so far he seems like a social person...I'm feeling he is the killer...how could he?!

The story has successfully intrigued me! The conflict seems to be very ominous and mysterious as of now. Right off from the synopsis, I'm questioning what happened and how he did it.

But, there's a problem—maybe it was intentional, maybe not—but with the way this story is written, I know nothing about him. His name is Scott, right? What does he look like, what are his mannerisms? The same goes for Nicole, and Khloe. Who are they? I need more than names. I really hope this distant, skeletal writing style you have changes in the coming chapters. You've successfully used it to draw in the reader with questions—now, in the coming chapters, start applying the flesh to the skeleton. Set scenes, characterize your characters. Pick up some themes and motifs.

Also, not really too big of a complaint, but dialogue tags should be written as such:

Quote

With a straight face he responded "Yes, I do."

Should be corrected to,

Quote

With a straight face he responded, "Yes, I do."

And then

Quote

"Are you Nicole?" He asked.

Should be

Quote

"Are you Nicole?" he asked.

Same for "Thank you." She said. It should be "Thank you," she said.

But like I said, the dialogue tags are a very small issue. If you can apply more flesh and substance to this story, it could really be something

@ Bellamy.
omg! I never thought about doing it like that. Now you got me thinking some more ideas.

OMG is this a Kardashian fic? I love it already. Is Scott a killer? I could see that, the way he is on the show. Total psycho killer potential!